Breaking the Silence: Why Men Need Therapy Too
- Mark Pitcher
- Oct 20
- 38 min read
Introduction
Society often portrays a man in therapy as an oddity – as if seeking help is something unmanly or shameful. It's time to tackle that stereotype head-on. After all, if you had chest pain, you'd see a doctor without hesitation – so why do so many men ignore emotional pain or mental stress? The truth is, strength and self-reliance have long been hallmarks of masculinity, and many men are raised to believe they should handle problems on their own. Admitting you're struggling can feel like breaking an unwritten code of manhood. This ingrained mindset leaves countless men white-knuckling their way through anxiety, depression, or trauma in silence (Addis and Mahalik, 2003). But there is nothing unmanly about seeking help. In fact, recognizing you need support and taking action are forms of courage and wisdom. Modern, positive masculinity embraces the idea that taking care of your whole self — physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual-is fundamental to being the strongest, healthiest man you can be. Everyone needs a hand sometimes, and therapy is simply a tool for strength and success, not a last resort for the weak. In this article, we will demystify the therapy process for men, explain its benefits, and reframe mental health support as a practical asset rather than a personal failing. Think of it this way: you tune up your car and work out your body —why not give the same care and attention to your mind and emotional well-being? There's real power in that choice.
The Cost of Not Talking
What happens when men don't address their mental health issues? The costs of staying silent are painfully high. Men account for close to 75% of all suicides in Canada (Mental Health Commission of Canada, 2022) and a similar proportion in many other countries – a sobering statistic that speaks to years of pain pushed down and problems left untreated. In the United States, for example, the suicide rate among males is nearly four times higher than among females (National Institute of Mental Health, 2025). Behind those numbers are countless individual stories of men who felt they had nowhere to turn. Many struggle in silence with depression, anxiety, or traumatic memories until the weight becomes unbearable. For some, the pressure explodes outward in unhealthy ways – anger at loved ones, reckless risk-taking, or substance abuse. Men are significantly more likely than women to cope by self-medicating with alcohol or drugs, contributing to higher rates of substance use disorders in men (Centre for Addiction and Mental Health [CAMH], n.d.). Consider the familiar scenario of the man who "had it all" – a good job, loving family, respect in the community – who one day has a startling breakdown. Perhaps he collapses from a stress-induced heart scare, or erupts in rage at work, or starts drinking away his evenings. From the outside, no one realized the storm that had been brewing inside him because he never told a soul about the fears and pressures that were eating at him. By the time his pain became visible, it had already done severe damage.
Unfortunately, stories like this are not uncommon. For example, depression in men often goes unrecognized and untreated because it doesn't always look like the textbook cases we expect. Instead of openly saying "I feel sad" or shedding tears, a man might pour himself into 60-hour workweeks, become irritable and angry at the most minor things, withdraw from family and friends, or numb himself with nightly six-packs of beer (Rochlen et al., 2010). These behaviours can be the disguise that male depression wears. The man himself might not even realize that what he's experiencing is depression – he knows he's constantly on edge, exhausted, or feeling "off." He's trying desperately to keep it hidden. By bottling up problems or attempting to "tough them out," men often inadvertently make them worse. Stress and unresolved emotional issues tend to compound over time. Relationships suffer—marriages become strained due to a lack of communication or unexplained irritability; friendships fade as men isolate themselves. Physical health can decline too, since chronic stress and untreated mental illness have well-known links to hypertension, heart disease, and other ailments (Tirrell and Davis, 2023). The personal and societal costs of men's silence are huge: not only in lost lives to suicide, but also in broken families, lost productivity, and reduced quality of life. This is why doing nothing about mental health isn't a neutral choice – it's actively dangerous. The good news is that there's a better path. Problems that seem overwhelming and unmanageable when faced alone can often be mitigated or solved with the proper support. Therapy is one of the most effective interventions we have to halt these silent battles before they escalate to crises. Reaching out to talk early is vastly better than waiting until you hit a breaking point. Just as you wouldn't ignore a steadily worsening chest pain, you shouldn't overlook mounting emotional pain either. Speaking up, whether to a doctor, a therapist, or even a trusted friend, can quite literally save your life – or at least save you from a world of hurt down the line.
Why Men Avoid Therapy
If therapy can be so beneficial, why do many men hesitate or outright refuse to try it? It's important to acknowledge the common concerns and fears men have about therapy – and then to address why these assumptions are often misplaced. One significant barrier is the pervasive (and false) idea that "therapy is for the weak or for crazy people." From boyhood, many males absorb the message that a "real man" should handle his problems himself. Admitting you need help is seen, wrongly, as a sign of weakness or failure. This stigma runs deep. In a survey conducted by the American Psychological Association, only 35% of men said they would be likely to seek help from a mental health professional, compared to 58% of women – a striking gap (Tirrell and Davis, 2023). Clearly, there's a widespread notion among men that therapy isn't for them. But let's debunk that: therapy is not about lying on a couch wailing or being "saved" by someone else. It's about actively working on yourself, learning new skills, and tackling challenges head-on – there is nothing weak about that. If anything, it requires strength and guts to confront your issues in therapy, rather than running from them. And far from being "crazy," the majority of people in therapy are ordinary folks dealing with ordinary life challenges: stress at work, relationship conflicts, grief, anger, you name it. Therapy is simply a problem-solving method guided by an expert.
Another common worry: "I don't want to air my dirty laundry to a stranger." Many men are intensely private. The idea of spilling secrets or painful feelings to a therapist – someone you don't even know – can feel deeply uncomfortable or even shameful. It might help to know that therapists are professionals bound by strict confidentiality. What you tell them stays in that room (except in infrequent circumstances involving safety). Therapy provides a safe, judgment-free zone – something many men have never had. You won't be burdening or gossiping; you'll be speaking to someone whose job is to listen and help (HeadsUpGuys, 2021). Therapists have heard it all, and they truly are not there to judge you. In fact, a good therapist will make you feel understood and respected, not humiliated. It's often a massive relief for men to discover that therapy is a space where they can just be themselves and say things they've never been able to say elsewhere (HeadsUpGuys, 2021). The fears of opening up usually subside after a couple of sessions, when you realize that the "stranger" in the chair is on your side and that sharing actually feels good.
Then there's the misconception, "Therapy is too touchy-feely – it's not for guys like me." This stems from the stereotype that therapy is all about crying, talking about your childhood endlessly, or hugging stuffed animals – images that don't exactly scream macho. In reality, therapy comes in many styles and flavours, and not all are the stereotypical Freudian couch sessions. There are efficient, action-oriented approaches that might appeal to men who crave structure. For example, cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) focuses on solving current problems and has you practice concrete techniques—it's more like coaching than navel-gazing. If digging into feelings is uncomfortable at first, that's okay – a skilled therapist will meet you where you are. Some therapies are indeed emotion-focused, but many are goal-focused or skills-based. And even in the more emotion-focused therapies, the process isn't about wallowing or self-pity; it's about understanding patterns in your life so you can change them. Importantly, you remain in control of the pace. You won't be forced to talk about anything you're not ready to. Good therapists know how to build trust gradually. The idea that therapy is inherently "unmanly" comes from outdated notions of masculinity – that men should be stoic robots. In truth, there is nothing inherently feminine or masculine about seeking knowledge and self-improvement. If anything, a modern man might view therapy as just another way to optimize performance and well-being, much like hiring a personal trainer or a career coach. Therapy is basically coaching for your mind and relationships.
Let's also address pride: "I should handle my issues on my own." Self-reliance is admirable in many situations, but it has limits. You might be able to fix a leaky faucet by yourself after watching a YouTube video, but would you perform a root canal on your own tooth? Would you represent yourself in a major court case with no lawyer? Some problems truly require an expert or at least an outside perspective. Mental health can be one of those. It's not a reflection of your intelligence or toughness that you can't "mind over matter" your way out of severe anxiety or a traumatic experience – these are complex issues that often need specialized strategies to resolve. Ironically, many men will trust an expert when it comes to external problems (mechanics, lawyers, doctors), but not for internal ones. Consider therapy the right tool for the job. Sure, you could live with a lot of emotional pain, but why would you, when there are effective methods to alleviate it? As one researcher put it, men often adhere to norms of toughness and independence that make them less likely to seek help, and this "conformity to traditional masculine norms" has problematic effects on men's well-being and their willingness to seek care (Seidler et al., 2016). In other words, sometimes our own masculine pride can trick us into rejecting exactly what would help us most. Recognizing that and pushing past it is not failure—it's growth.
Finally, fear of the unknown is a barrier. Many men don't know what to expect in therapy and imagine it will be awkward, pointless, or an endless money sink. Let's demystify that. Therapy is typically a conversation with a purpose. In the first session or two, the therapist will ask about what's going on in your life and what you'd like to change. Together, you'll set some goals or at least identify key issues to work on. Over time, you'll discuss thoughts, feelings, and behaviours related to those issues and learn ways to cope or make changes. It's a collaboration – you're not being lectured or brainwashed. If something isn't practical, you can say so. Many men are pleasantly surprised to find therapy can be down-to-earth and even sensible, sometimes involving homework like tracking your stress or practicing a communication skill with your partner. It's not all, "and how did that make you feel?" (though you will talk about feelings too, and that's healthy). Crucially, therapy is confidential and your space (HeadsUpGuys, 2021). That means you don't have to worry about burdening your loved ones; you now have a dedicated outlet. When men realize this, therapy often stops feeling like a threat and becomes a relief.
By gently debunking these misconceptions, the idea of therapy becomes far less intimidating. Remember that millions of men, from all walks of life, have gone to therapy and come out better for it. They're not "broken" – they're proactive. In fact, mental health professionals have started tailoring how they introduce therapy to men to overcome these very hurdles. For example, one study tested a "male-sensitive" brochure about counselling – it used plain language, addressed men's fears about stigma, and framed therapy as a strength and problem-solving resource. When nearly 1,400 men with depression read this male-tailored brochure, their attitudes toward therapy improved significantly compared to men who read a generic pamphlet (Hammer and Vogel, 2010). The men who saw the "for guys" brochure felt less self-stigma about needing help and were more open to the idea of counselling. This tells us that a lot of the resistance isn't immovable – it's about how therapy is perceived. When we change the messaging to speak to men's values (like independence, mastery, and privacy), men respond. Culturally, we are beginning to reframe therapy as a tool that enhances your strength rather than undermines it. In line with this, mental health organizations are publishing guidelines to make services more male-friendly, encouraging strategies such as using relatable male role models, emphasizing practical outcomes, and ensuring the environment feels welcoming to men (Mental Health Commission of Canada, 2022). The bottom line is that therapy is for everyone, including regular guys and tough guys. If you have concerns about it, that's normal – but don't let myths and pride keep you from a resource that could profoundly improve your life.
What Therapy Can Do
It's all well and good to say "therapy helps," but let's talk concretely: How exactly can therapy benefit men? What do you actually get out of sitting down with a counsellor or psychologist? Think of therapy as getting a personalized toolkit for handling life's challenges. A trained therapist can teach you techniques and coping strategies that target whatever problems you're facing. For example, if you're struggling with anxiety – say you're constantly consumed with worry about work or the future – a therapist might use cognitive-behavioural techniques to help you spot catastrophic thoughts and reframe them into more realistic ones. Over a few weeks, you could learn how to short-circuit panic attacks or reduce that constant sense of dread.
Suppose depression has sapped your motivation and joy. In that case, therapy can provide behavioural strategies to gradually re-engage with activities and give you a safe place to talk through the numbness or pain you feel. Therapists can also introduce stress-management tools such as breathing exercises, mindfulness, and better time management and boundary-setting – practical skills to prevent burnout. In fact, studies have shown that psychotherapy is highly effective for common issues like depression and anxiety – so effective that its outcomes often rival those of medication, and with longer-lasting effects in many cases (Cuijpers et al., 2013). For instance, several meta-analyses have found that therapy and antidepressant medications yield roughly equivalent improvements after short-term treatment. Still, those who underwent therapy were less likely to relapse once therapy ended (Cuijpers et al., 2013). This makes sense: medications can be beneficial for symptom relief, but therapy aims to address underlying thought patterns and teach you lifelong skills. It's like the difference between painkillers and physical therapy for a bad back – one masks the pain, the other helps fix the root problem. Often, the best approach is a combination (medication + therapy), but many mild to moderate issues can improve with therapy alone. The key point is that therapy works. Decades of research have confirmed that the average person who engages in talk therapy is better off than about 75–80% of those with similar issues who receive no therapy (Granville, 2014). The Personal and Professional Characteristics of Master Therapists and Matched Controls. That is a huge difference. We're not talking minor placebo effects here; we're talking real, measurable improvements in people's lives – improved mood, better sleep, less anger, more fulfilling relationships, and so on. In some cases, therapy can quite literally be life-saving (for example, reducing suicidal thoughts), and in others it can be life-changing, setting someone on a healthier path they might never have found alone (Tirrell and Davis, 2023).
Let's break down a few scenarios to illustrate the tangible benefits of therapy for men:
Managing Anger and Stress: Suppose you're a guy with a short fuse – little things set you off, and you hate that you sometimes yell at your kids or get into conflicts at work. In therapy, you might learn anger management techniques: how to recognize the early signs of your temper rising and implement a "pause" (like taking a timeout or a few deep breaths) before reacting. A therapist can help uncover what's beneath the anger – often hurt, fear, or a sense of being undervalued – and then work on those core issues. They might teach you communication skills to express frustration more constructively. The result? You gain better control over your reactions. Instead of exploding and regretting it, you start responding more calmly. Your relationships improve because people no longer walk on eggshells around you. Many men report that therapy gave them tools to channel their anger into motivation or assertiveness at appropriate times, rather than lashing out randomly. You essentially retrain your stress response. Over time, this can also improve your physical health, lowering blood pressure and headaches that often accompany chronic anger or stress. A lot of men who once said, "I'm just an angry guy, that's how I am," have learned to rewrite that story through counselling. They didn't lose their edge; they just lost the uncontrolled volatility that was undermining them.
Saving Relationships: Communication problems are a leading cause of breakups and divorce, and men often struggle here due to social conditioning to "not talk about feelings." Therapy (whether individual or couples therapy) can dramatically improve how you relate to your spouse, partner, or family. A couples therapist, for instance, might coach you on how to actively listen to your wife's concerns without immediately trying to "fix" them, or teach you how to express your own needs and vulnerabilities in a relationship (maybe something you've never done before). These might sound like soft skills, but they are marriage-savers. Learning to say, "I felt hurt when you did that," rather than sulking in silence or blowing up, can be revolutionary. Countless men have used therapy to become better fathers and husbands by developing compassion and communication skills. Rather than shutting down or storming off when conflict arises, they learn to stay in the conversation, manage their defensiveness, and work through the issue. The result is often a more harmonious home life and the satisfaction of actually being understood by your loved ones – and understanding them in return. Therapy provides a neutral space to practice these skills and address long-standing grievances in a guided way. Many tough guys have been brought to tears (in a good way) the first time they manage to tell their child or their partner what they feel and find that it brings them closer rather than driving them away.
Overcoming Traumas and Grief: Life hits hard sometimes – maybe you've seen traumatic events (in the line of duty, or childhood abuse, or losing a friend to tragedy) or you're carrying the weight of grief that you never let yourself process. These experiences can haunt men for decades if left unaddressed, leading to nightmares, jumpiness, or a persistent numbness and disconnection from life. Therapies like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) or trauma-focused counselling can help process and integrate these painful memories so they lose their chokehold on your mind. Likewise, therapy gives you permission to grieve losses fully – something men are often not given space to do. A man who lost a close friend, for example, might have been told to "stay strong" and never really mourned; in therapy, he can finally talk about the pain, perhaps cry for the first time in years, and find a way to honour and let go of some of that sadness. This isn't weak—it's a healthy release. Men who go through this process frequently emerge feeling lighter, more alive, and more open to the future, because they're no longer chained to the unspoken horrors of the past. Therapists often see clients transform from being haunted by trauma to gaining a sense of peace and even personal growth from what they endured (what psychologists call "post-traumatic growth"). This can translate to improved sleep, reduced irritability, and a newfound sense of control.
Conquering Work and Life Transitions: Life changes can throw anyone for a loop, and men often link their self-esteem to their roles and achievements. Losing a job, retiring, or even becoming a father can be as stressful as they are exciting. Therapy or career counselling can guide men through these transitions. For example, if you got laid off and it devastated your confidence, a therapist could help challenge the negative belief "I'm a failure," and work with you on practical steps to bounce back – whether that's exploring a new career path or simply coping with the uncertainty without falling apart. If you're a new dad who suddenly feels overwhelmed and maybe a bit depressed (yes, men can experience postpartum depression, too, when their first child is born), joining a support group for new fathers or seeing a counsellor can equip you with parenting stress management techniques and normalize what you're feeling. Similarly, men facing retirement might struggle with identity ("who am I without my work?") – therapy can help them find new purpose and adjust to a different pace of life. In short, therapy provides guidance and coaching for major life adjustments, helping you navigate uncharted waters without going it alone. The benefit is that you adapt faster and with less turmoil, turning potential crises into periods of growth.
Those are just a few examples. The scope of what therapy can do is broad: it can help break destructive habits (like drinking, gambling, or other addictions, often in conjunction with specialized addiction therapy), it can treat clinical mental illnesses (from panic disorder to PTSD to bipolar disorder, often alongside medication management), and it can simply serve as a sounding board to sort out everyday dilemmas (like "Should I take that promotion?" or "How do I deal with my difficult boss healthily?"). Therapy often provides something many men lack in their lives: accountability and encouragement from someone who isn't a buddy or a relative. A therapist will check in on your progress, gently call you out if you're avoiding something important, and celebrate your wins. It's like having a personal trainer, but for your mind and emotional life. Over time, you become more self-aware – you start noticing, Hey, I tend to really beat myself up when I make a mistake; let's use the technique I learned to pause and rethink that. You become more resilient – setbacks don't crush you like they used to because you've built up emotional muscle. And very importantly, you carry these improvements forward even after therapy ends. Research shows that psychotherapy has enduring benefits; people often continue to improve or maintain gains after finishing therapy because they've internalized new coping strategies (Ogrodniczuk, 2021). One landmark book on psychotherapy outcomes put it this way: the positive effects of good therapy extend well beyond symptom relief – therapy can help people not just survive, but truly thrive in life (Seidler et al., 2016; Granville, 2014). For many men, finally addressing long-ignored mental health needs is like taking a weighted vest off after years of running uphill. You discover that dealing with your emotions and relationships intelligently makes everything else—work, family, personal goals—run more smoothly.
It's worth noting that therapy is not necessarily a quick fix or an easy journey. It can be challenging at times – you might uncover uncomfortable truths or experience a temporary spike in difficult emotions as you work through things. But much like an intense workout, you come out stronger on the other side. The investment of time, effort, and yes, sometimes money, pays off in a better quality of life. Think of therapy as an investment in yourself —one of the best you can make. Men who have gone through therapy often say they wish they had started sooner, because of how much it helped them understand themselves and improve their situations. As one famous rocker, Bruce Springsteen – a man who battled depression throughout his life – said of his long experience in counselling: "The talking cure – it works... I learned a lot and... turned it into real life." (Sutton et al., 2021). That's from a guy known as "The Boss." If he can endorse therapy, maybe the rest of us can take note.
Different Paths, Same Goal
One size does not fit all when it comes to mental health support. The beautiful thing is that there are many different paths to the same goal of feeling and living better. If the idea of sitting in a room one-on-one with a therapist doesn't appeal to you, other formats and styles might. The key is finding an approach that you are comfortable with – because the best therapy is the one you'll actually engage in. For some men, a structured, skills-oriented approach like Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is a great fit. CBT often involves worksheets, homework assignments, and measurable goals (for example, "practice this coping skill three times this week and log the outcome"). It's concrete and focused on present problems, which can feel more approachable if you're wary of touchy-feely stuff. Other men might benefit from group therapy or support groups, where the dynamic differs from that of one-on-one counselling. In a men's group – say a support group for male veterans with PTSD, or a group for men going through divorce – you get to hear others' stories and share your own in a moderated setting. This peer aspect can be powerful; many guys find it easier to open up when they see other men doing it. It fosters a sense of brotherhood and the feeling that "I'm not the only one." Hearing someone articulate a struggle similar to yours can be a lightbulb moment and reduce feelings of isolation or weirdness. Group therapy also lets you practice new interpersonal skills in real time with feedback. Some men initially think, "No way am I talking about my problems in front of a bunch of strangers," but often group members develop a strong camaraderie and trust. And knowing that these other men are walking the same road can really bolster your courage. So, if you're a more social learner or find strength in numbers, a men's support group or group therapy might be worth considering.
Perhaps you have a brutal schedule or live in a remote area. Online therapy has become a widely accepted option. Through secure video platforms, you can essentially get the same professional help from the comfort of your home (or even your truck cab on the road, or your office during lunch) via phone or video call. This can also ease some anxieties; some men feel more relaxed opening up when they're in their own familiar space, rather than sitting across from someone in an unfamiliar office. Online therapy also provides more privacy – no chance of running into someone you know in the waiting room. The convenience and discretion factor has led more men to give therapy a try when they wouldn't have otherwise. With the proliferation of therapy apps and telehealth services, you can be paired with a licensed counsellor and start sessions sometimes within days. This format is just as legitimate as face-to-face, especially for issues like mild to moderate depression, anxiety, stress, etc. (For very severe cases or emergencies, in-person or more intensive therapy might be needed.) The bottom line is that therapy has adapted to meet men where they are—literally and figuratively. If you're tech-savvy or simply short on time, virtual counselling can be a lifesaver (sometimes literally). For example, HeadsUpGuys – a men's mental health resource – provides an online directory to help men connect with male-friendly therapists, and even encourages considering online counselling if that lowers the barrier to entry (HeadsUpGuys, n.d.).
Another route is coaching or mentoring programs. While not therapy in the traditional sense, life coaches or mentorship groups (such as men's retreats or faith-based men's groups) can provide guidance, accountability, and emotional support. Some men might prefer a coaching framework that feels more like advice and goal-setting than delving into feelings. That's okay – different approaches work for different personalities. Just be sure that if you have a clinical issue (like a diagnosable mental health condition), you eventually get help from a qualified mental health professional. But for specific goals (such as improving leadership skills, building confidence, etc.), a coach can be instrumental. There are also hybrid models, such as organizations that cater specifically to men's mental health, packaging their offerings in a relatable way. For instance, the international campaign "Man Therapy" uses humour and a faux "doctor" to engage men and lead them into serious content about depression and anger management. It's essentially an entry point that feels culturally comfortable for men who'd never read a psychology blog. Innovative male-tailored programs like this show that the mental health field is learning to speak men's language, using tools like humour, sports metaphors, and an emphasis on strength to draw men in. Similarly, therapists themselves are increasingly trained to be sensitive to male communication styles and preferences (Seidler et al., 2016). If you prefer a more direct, solution-focused style, you can find therapists who practice that way. If you think you'd do better with a male therapist who might "get" your perspective quicker, that's a valid preference, and you can seek that out. (There are excellent female therapists for men too, but some guys feel more at ease talking to another man about certain things – it's entirely your choice.)
The aim of all these paths is the same: to help you reach a place of wellness and balance. Don't get too hung up on finding the "perfect" type of therapy from day one. Research shows that the quality of the relationship with your therapist and your own engagement in the process matter more than the specific school of therapy you follow (Wampold and Imel, 2015). In other words, lots of approaches can work well. There's a famous finding in psychology, often called the "Dodo bird verdict" (after Alice in Wonderland), suggesting that most bona fide therapies are about equally effective because common factors – like feeling understood, having a safe space, and collaboratively problem-solving – drive success. What that means for you as a client is that you should choose whatever approach or format feels comfortable enough to get you through the door. Once you're in therapy, if you click with the therapist and put in effort, you'll likely benefit regardless of whether it's CBT, psychodynamic, or something else (Wampold and Imel, 2015). If you're someone who loves structure, go with a structured approach. If you hate group situations, do one-on-one. If talking is hard, maybe try a therapist who incorporates more activity (some therapists offer walking sessions or use activities like art or sports in therapy for youth). The mental health field is more flexible than ever. What's most important is that you take that first step in some way rather than thinking "therapy isn't for me" because one style doesn't appeal. There's always an alternative. The old-school image of therapy has expanded to a whole menu of modern options.
And remember, these paths aren't mutually exclusive. A man could start with individual therapy, then join a support group for continued peer support, or vice versa. Some people dip in and out of therapy over their lifetime as needed – that's normal, too. Think of it like physical training: maybe you do personal training for a while to learn the ropes, then join a group fitness class for ongoing practice, etc. Mental health is similar. At different times, you might benefit from other types of help. The good news is that, whatever your personality or circumstances, there is likely a form of therapy or support that fits. The same goal underpins all of them: helping you become a healthier, more balanced, and more fulfilled person—the best version of yourself. And as the saying goes in therapy circles, "Take what works and leave the rest." If one approach doesn't gel with you, it's not a failure – you can try another. The ultimate act of strength is to keep trying until you find your stride.
Making the First Move
Okay, so you've decided you're willing to give this a try – or at least, you're no longer dead-set against it. How do you actually start therapy? For many men, the step of finding a therapist and making an appointment is a considerable hurdle simply because it's unfamiliar territory. Here's a straightforward guide to making that first move, with some practical tips to smooth the way.
Finding a Therapist: If you have no idea where to find a therapist, you're not alone. One sensible place to begin is with your family doctor. Family physicians are accustomed to discussing mental health with patients, and they can often provide referrals to local psychologists, counsellors, or psychiatrists (if medication might be needed). Don't be afraid to tell your doctor you've been feeling depressed, overly stressed, or whatever the issue is – they won't be shocked or judgmental; mental health concerns are widespread. In Canada and many other countries, a family doctor can be a gateway to accessing therapy, sometimes even through public health systems or employee assistance programs if available. Another route is to use therapist directories. Websites exist where you can filter for a counsellor by location, specialty, or traits like "male therapist," "Christian counsellor," or "evening appointments." Examples include Psychology Today's directory, TherapyDen, or region-specific ones. If confidentiality is a concern (maybe you're a public figure or in a small community), remember that therapists are bound to privacy rules, so you can approach one without fear that others will hear about it. Some men quietly ask a trusted friend or relative if they know a good therapist – you might be surprised to find that someone in your circle has seen one and can recommend them. If asking in person feels awkward, you could pose the question anonymously online or through an employee wellness program at work if one exists. There are also specialized resources for men now: for instance, the HeadsUpGuys website (focused on men's depression) has a therapist finder tool aimed at male-friendly providers (HeadsUpGuys, n.d.). The important thing is to realize that finding a therapist is a bit like finding any professional – it's perfectly acceptable to "shop around." You might contact two or three to ask about their availability and approach. Many therapists offer a brief, free initial phone consultation—like 15 minutes—so you can get a sense of them. Trust your gut in those interactions. If someone sounds dismissive or you don't feel a connection, it's fine to move on to another. You are a consumer of a service, and you have the right to find a provider who suits you.
The First Appointment: Making the call or sending the email to schedule is a big step. It's normal to feel a spike of anxiety when the day of the first session arrives. You might wonder, "What do I even say? What if I get emotional? What if I don't like the therapist?" Take a deep breath – the first session is mostly about getting to know each other and establishing the groundwork. The therapist will likely ask what brought you in. You don't have to have a perfect answer; speak from the gut. "I've been feeling really on edge and angry, and I want to get a handle on it," or "My wife said she's worried about me, and I figured I should talk to someone." There's no wrong way to start the conversation. They might ask a bit about your background (family, work, etc.) to understand context. You can also ask them questions—about how therapy works, their experience with your type of issue, or anything else you're curious about. Remember, you are evaluating them as well. Do you feel at ease with this person? Do they seem to "get" what you're saying? It might not be 100% comfortable right away – that's okay – but you should sense at least a spark of trust or hope by the end of the first session. If you leave feeling completely misunderstood or judged, that therapist might not be the right one for you. It's perfectly fine to try a different therapist for a better fit. Research in psychotherapy consistently shows that a strong therapeutic alliance (the collaborative bond between therapist and client) is crucial for success (Wampold and Imel, 2015). Different therapists have different styles: some are warm and nurturing, others more formal and analytical; some mainly listen, others actively give homework and advice. Think about what style might motivate you best. If, after a couple of sessions, you don't feel comfortable, it's okay to "break up" with your therapist—they won't take it personally. Therapists themselves often say they don't expect to be the right match for everyone. You can thank them and let them know you want to try a different direction. Then don't give up—reach out to another name on your list. This is like finding a good mechanic: you might not stick with the first shop you visit if the service isn't clicking.
Setting Goals and Being Patient: Early on, talk with your therapist about what success in therapy would look like for you. Is it sleeping through the night without racing thoughts? Is it not yelling at your kids? Is it just feeling happier day to day? Setting some concrete goals can help guide the process and also give you something to measure progress against. Sound therapy is often goal-oriented – maybe not with rigid metrics, but at least with directional goals. Be prepared that progress might feel slow at first. Many men, accustomed to fixing things quickly, get frustrated when they don't feel "cured" after two sessions. Give it some time. Typically, we recommend at least a few months of regular sessions (weekly or biweekly) to start seeing significant change, though you might notice minor improvements sooner. If you commit to the process, you'll likely have a moment when something clicks – maybe you handle a situation differently than you would have before, and you realize, "Huh, I have learned something in therapy." Celebrate those wins. Also, be open with your therapist if something isn't working for you. If you feel like you're not getting practical enough help, say so: a good therapist will adjust their approach to better suit your needs (for example, giving you more concrete exercises if that's what you crave). Therapy is not something done to you; it's something done with you. The more you put into it – honesty, effort in trying suggestions – the more you'll get out. That said, you set the pace. If there's a topic you're not ready to tackle yet, let your therapist know. You're the driver, they're the navigator.
Dealing with Others' Reactions: Some men worry, "What will my buddies or family think if they find out I'm in therapy?" The answer is: it's none of their business unless you choose to tell them. You don't owe anyone that information. If you do decide to share (which can actually be a positive signal to others and help break the stigma), you might be surprised by the support you find. Mental health awareness has grown, and more people respect those taking steps to improve their mental health. But if you anticipate an adverse reaction from particular individuals, you don't have to tell them. It's entirely possible to attend therapy without it affecting your work or social image. Many high-performing men quietly see a therapist on their lunch break or on Tuesday evenings, and no one around them is the wiser – they notice that maybe he's in a better mood or handling stress better these days. If someone does question it, you could frame it casually: "Yeah, I've been talking to a counsellor – figured it couldn't hurt to get an outside perspective on some stuff." Saying it confidently can shut down any teasing. Honestly, though, you might be shocked at how many men will reply, "Oh, I've done that too," or "Good for you, I've been considering it." By going first, you might even inspire another man to seek help. We need those role models.
Practical Considerations: There are cost and logistical considerations. Therapy can be expensive if not covered by insurance, but there are often options. Check whether your health insurance covers mental health – many plans do, with a set number of sessions or partial reimbursement. Some employers offer Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs) that provide a handful of free counselling sessions. If paying out of pocket, discuss the fee upfront and confirm whether sliding scales or payment plans are available, if needed. There are also community agencies and nonprofits that offer low-cost counselling with interns or new therapists under supervision – quality can still be excellent there. Don't let the assumed cost deter you without researching; you might find it's more affordable than you thought, or that you can prioritize it like you would any critical investment. As for time, sessions are usually around 50 minutes. Think of it as an hour a week dedicated entirely to you – that's less time than most of us spend scrolling on our phones per day. You deserve that hour. Schedule sessions when you're least likely to get interrupted by work or family obligations, if possible, so that you can focus. If you travel a lot or have shifting hours, teletherapy can add flexibility (you could do a session from a private hotel room, etc.). In short, logistical challenges can almost always be worked out once you commit to making therapy a priority.
Making the first move to start therapy might feel like standing on a high dive, working up the nerve to jump. It's normal to feel butterflies. But many men report that after that first session, an unexpected feeling hit them: relief. Relief that they had finally done it, that they were finally talking about what's been held inside. You might walk out thinking, "Why didn't I do that sooner?" And if not—if you walk out feeling unsure—give it a couple more tries. There's no shame in shopping around or needing a few sessions to warm up. Just by taking action, you've broken the inertia and signalled to yourself that your mental health matters. That is a win in itself. Keep that momentum. The road to well-being is a journey, but you've taken the crucial first step of starting.
Real Men, Real Stories
It's easy to talk about therapy in the abstract, but perhaps more convincing is hearing about real men who have benefited from it. You might be thinking, "Sure, but guys like me don't do therapy." The truth is, guys exactly like you do therapy – whether you're a construction worker, a CEO, a soldier, a farmer, or a stay-at-home dad. They don't all talk about it openly. Let's pull back that curtain by sharing a couple of stories (some composite, some from public figures) that show the power of reaching out.
The Turnaround of a Tough Guy (Composite) – Imagine a 50-year-old construction foreman named Mike. He's the stereotypical "tough as nails" guy – spent decades on job sites, prided himself on providing for his family, rarely showed any emotion but anger. Over the years, Mike went through a lot: an economic downturn forced him to close his small contracting business, his marriage hit the rocks due to his long hours and constant stress, and he lost a close friend to a work accident. Mike dealt with all of this the only way he knew – by shutting it down and carrying on. He never talked about the guilt he felt over the business failing or the pain of his friend's death. Instead, he started drinking a couple of beers every night to unwind, which turned into six or seven every night to forget. His temper, always short, became explosive. Eventually, his wife filed for divorce, tired of walking on eggshells around an irritable ghost of the man she married. When she left with the kids, Mike's world collapsed. He hit a low point one night when, alone in his apartment, he punched a hole in the drywall and then just sank to the floor and cried – the first time he'd cried in maybe 30 years. The next morning, nursing a bruised hand and a profound sense of shame, Mike did something that took every ounce of courage he had: he dialled the number of a therapist that his family doctor had given him months before. On the way to that first appointment, he almost turned back twice. He was terrified – not of the therapist, but of facing himself.
In therapy, Mike found something he never expected: relief. The therapist was a down-to-earth man around Mike's age who spoke plainly and listened well. In the privacy of that office, over weeks and months, Mike unloaded years' worth of bottled-up fear, hurt, and sadness. He talked about the pressure he felt as a breadwinner, how losing the business made him feel like a failure. He confronted the unresolved grief over his friend's death, which he had been drowning in alcohol. It wasn't easy – there were sessions Mike left in a rage or left in tears. But with the therapist's help, he gradually learned healthier ways to cope. They worked on his anger, identifying triggers and practicing cooling-off techniques. He knew how to explain his feelings (even to label feelings, which he'd never really done) rather than just erupting. Mike also joined a weekly men's support group for guys going through divorce. Sitting among seven other divorced dads, he was shocked to hear them express the very pain and loneliness he thought only he felt. It was like looking in a mirror; the solidarity gave him strength. Fast-forward a year: Mike is not only sober but also reconciled with his ex-wife on friendly terms and actively co-parenting his kids. He's the first to admit he's not perfect – "I'm a work in progress," he jokes – but he hasn't put a fist through a wall in a long time. When work frustrates him, he knows how to step away or call a friend rather than lash out. He has even apologized to his teenage son for "not being there emotionally before," something he never imagined he'd say. Mike often tells people that therapy was the bravest thing he's ever done, and that it saved his life from the slow-motion disaster it was becoming. In his own words, "I thought therapy was BS. Turns out, it taught this old dog some new tricks. Best damn decision I ever made." Men like Mike walk among us – you might never guess from the outside, but they carry the hard-won wisdom that getting help made them stronger.
Famous Men Who Champion Therapy – You don't have to take our word for it – plenty of highly successful, widely admired men have spoken publicly about how therapy improved their lives. Take Kevin Love, a star in the NBA and a championship-winning athlete. A few years ago, Love suffered a very public panic attack during a basketball game. It was a wake-up call that no amount of physical toughness could "power through" the mental anguish he'd been quietly dealing with (anxiety and depression) (Sutton et al., 2021). He started seeing a therapist and later wrote that at first he was skeptical and had "one foot out the door." But he stuck with it and was surprised by what he discovered: "I realized how many issues come from places you may not realize until you really look into them," Love shared, emphasizing that saying things out loud in therapy was incredibly powerful (Sutton et al., 2021). With therapy, he learned to understand himself on a deeper level, and it didn't make him weak – it made him better. Love has since become one of the most vocal mental health advocates in sports, encouraging other men not to suffer in silence. When a 6'8" elite athlete publicly says, "Therapy helped me," it sends a strong message that mental health care is for every man, even the seemingly invincible.
Another example: Bruce Springsteen, the legendary rock icon known for his gritty masculinity and raw lyrics, has spoken and written at length about his battles with depression. Springsteen has been in therapy on and off for decades, and he unabashedly credits it (along with appropriate medication) for helping him survive and thrive. He famously said, "The talking cure – it works", referring to psychotherapy. He described how he committed to the process and "enjoyed the investigative examination of issues in my life that I didn't understand", ultimately learning a great deal about himself that he could then apply to living a better life (Sutton et al., 2021). This is from a man who built his image on being a tough working-class hero. Seeing someone like Springsteen openly embrace therapy shatters the notion that it's "not for men." In his 70s now, he still occasionally checks in with a therapist, viewing it as part of maintaining his wellness, much like exercise or songwriting. If the Boss can do it, why can't you?
We also have younger public figures like Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, a former pro wrestler turned superstar actor known for his Herculean physique, who has discussed going through depression and the importance of asking for help; or Prince Harry, who spoke about how therapy helped him process the trauma of losing his mother, Princess Diana, and improved his mental health immeasurably. The list goes on: from actors like Ryan Reynolds and Brad Pitt to athletes like Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps and NFL receiver Brandon Marshall to musicians like Logic – men from traditionally "macho" arenas have stepped forward to normalize seeking help. There's even a whole campaign by a coalition of men's health groups highlighting that famous tough guys (from macho movie stars to military veterans) have used therapy and found it to be a source of strength. Each of these stories, whether a celebrity or a regular Joe, underlines the same point: real men do ask for help when they need it. It doesn't diminish their manhood—if anything, it adds depth. In many of these cases, getting therapy didn't just alleviate suffering; it made these men better at what they do and better in their relationships. They often become advocates because they want other men to know what they learned: that no one should have to carry the burden alone, and that speaking to someone can be a profound relief.
It's also worth mentioning the ripple effect: when a man takes care of his mental health, everyone around him benefits. His children get a more present, patient father. His partner receives a teammate who is empathetic and communicative. His friends get someone who can not only joke around but also back them up in hard times. And he often becomes a role model for others to follow. In that sense, one man going to therapy can start a positive chain reaction in his family or community. We break the silence one man at a time, and each time someone shares their story, it chips away at the stigma for the next guy.
Conclusion
It's time to retire the outdated notion that asking for help is a sign of weakness. In reality, seeking therapy is not waving a white flag; it's arming yourself with new tools and insights. Think of therapy as a training ground for the mind and heart. Just as you wouldn't consider yourself weak for hiring a coach to improve your fitness or technique in a sport, you shouldn't feel "weak" for working with a therapist to improve your mental and emotional game. Strength isn't about never falling – it's about recognizing when you need a hand to get back up and being smart enough to use it. True courage is looking in the mirror and deciding to confront what's holding you back, rather than running from it. In many ways, going to therapy is an act of taking control of your life's direction, not losing it. You're saying, "I value myself and my future enough to do this." And that is a powerful, empowering decision.
For too long, many men have lived by the unspoken rule "suffer silently." But what has that rule really given us? Staggering suicide rates, broken relationships, and generations of men who felt isolated in their darkest moments. It's a legacy we can change, starting now – the idea that we, as men, owe it to ourselves and each other to have each other's backs – means encouraging your brother, your friend, or yourself to speak up and seek help when needed. It means expanding our definition of toughness to include the toughness it takes to be vulnerable when it counts. Everyone has struggles; everyone feels overwhelmed at times. There is no shame in that. By breaking the silence and normalizing therapy, we create a culture where a man can say "I'm feeling depressed" or "I'm anxious" and it's taken as seriously as if he said "I have chest pain." Imagine the lives saved and improved in such a world.
If you're reading this and relating even a little, I hope you take away this message: You deserve support. Life will always have battles – you don't have to be a lone warrior in all of them. Therapy is a resource, a tool for your success and happiness. It can help you become not a different person, but more fully yourself – the father, son, husband, friend, leader (or any role) that deep down you want to be. It can help you heal old wounds, break unhelpful patterns, and chart a new course with confidence. And if you're worried about what others will think, consider that by going to therapy, you might quietly inspire another man to take care of his own mental health. The strongest communities are those where people support each other in staying healthy – physically and mentally.
In the end, therapy is just one form of caring for yourself, but it's a profound one. It's like a tune-up for your mind and soul, clearing out the gunk and helping you operate at your best. You fix your car when it's broken; you exercise to keep your body fit. Why not give the same attention to your mental and emotional engine? As the saying goes, we all have mental health just like we have physical health. Taking care of it is not a luxury or a sign of failure – it's part of living a whole, successful life. So let's break the silence and change the narrative: needing help is human, and getting help is heroic. Real men do go to therapy when they need to, and they – along with everyone who cares about them – are better off for it. It's time to step out of the lonely shadows of stigma and into a healthier future. The door to the therapist's office is open. Walking through it might be the bravest step you ever take, and on the other side, you might find the stronger, happier version of yourself that you've been looking for.
References
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© Citation:
Pitcher, E. Mark. (2025, October 20). Breaking the Silence: Why Men Need Therapy Too. Beyond Brotherhood. https://www.beyondbrotherhood.ca/post/breaking-the-silence-why-men-need-therapy-too.
About the Author
Mark Pitcher lives off-grid in a secluded corner of the Canadian Rockies for half the year, drawing inspiration from the land's raw, primal beauty. It's from this deep communion with nature that his vision for Beyond Brotherhood was born. Mark is the visionary founder of Beyond Brotherhood – a wilderness sanctuary where men reconnect with their authentic power and heal from within.
He is involved with men's groups across Canada and beyond, including Wyldmen (wyldmen.com), MDI - Mentor Discover Inspire (mentordiscoverinspire.org), Connect'd Men (connectdmen.com), Illumen of BC (illumanofbc.ca), Man Aligned (manaligned.ca), Sacred Sons (sacredsons.com), UNcivilized Nation (manuncivilized.com/thenation), and Strenuous Life (strenuouslife.co). Through all these efforts, he remains devoted to mentoring males of all ages in holistic well-being—physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual—guiding each to find and live their purpose.
Grounded in compassion, Mark is a strong advocate for male mental health and suicide prevention. Knowing that men comprise 75% of all suicide deaths in Canada, he works tirelessly to break the silence and stigma that keep so many men suffering alone. Mark's approach to healing and growth bridges the ancient and the modern. He draws on Viktor Frankl's logotherapy, which focuses on finding meaning even in adversity. He complements this with Shinrin-Yoku (forest bathing) to immerse men in nature's calming presence, the invigorating shock of cold-water therapy to build resilience, and the ancient art of Qigong to cultivate inner balance and life energy. Now semi-retired, he continues to deepen his knowledge as a part-time student in the Spiritual Care Program at St. Stephen's College (University of Alberta), believing that a true guide never stops learning.
Mark is a leader-guide in every encounter, with a warm authenticity and magnetic presence. Whether penning a blog post or leading a circle of men around a crackling campfire, he leads with gentle strength, compassion, and unshakable passion. Mark invites you to join him on this journey of brotherhood and self-discovery. Follow the blog or connect with the community – every step is an invitation to reclaim your authentic power. With a future book on the horizon, he promises there is even more to explore. This journey is just beginning, and Mark looks forward to walking it together with you, always toward more profound connection and discovery.
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