Facing the Storm: Tackling Anxiety and Stress in Men's Lives
- Mark Pitcher
- Sep 29
- 29 min read
Stress is inevitable – staying silently crushed by it is not. Even if many men don't talk about it, anxiety and stress affect a vast number of men. Consider the young professional having panic attacks about job security, the new dad losing sleep with worry, or the silent warrior battling inner tension no one can see. Men often feel pressure to appear unfazed and "in control," but inside, they may be weathering a storm of worries. Anxiety in men is common and real: approximately one in ten men experiences anxiety or depression each year, yet less than half will receive treatment, and men die by suicide at rates several times higher than women (Anxiety and Depression Association of America [ADAA], n.d.; Sutton, Caroline and HeadsUpGuys Team, 2021, January 5 – Updated 2024, September 17; Centre for Addiction and Mental Health [CAMH], n.d.). This article aims to normalize the issue and offer a life raft—unpacking how anxiety manifests in men (sometimes differently than in women) and presenting strategies to cope, build resilience, and seek support. Facing anxiety is not a sign of weakness but a mark of courage. As we explore below, you can learn to navigate your way through rough seas; you can strengthen your vessel and sharpen your navigation skills to ride out the storm.
The Hidden Face of Men's Anxiety
Men's anxiety can sometimes go unrecognized because it often wears a "mask." While anxiety is stereotypically imagined as visible nervousness or panic, many men's anxious struggles stay hidden beneath more socially "acceptable" behaviours. Instead of openly saying "I'm scared" or "I feel nervous," a man might channel that nervous energy into irritability, anger outbursts, or relentless overwork. For instance, a man under extreme pressure might snap at loved ones over small things or retreat into working 12-hour days at the office – not because he's naturally angry or work-obsessed, but because anxiety is simmering inside him. Societal expectations for men to remain calm, rugged, and self-reliant can lead to the suppression of fear, which may then manifest in other ways. Studies indicate that men tend to under-report anxiety symptoms and often somatize them – meaning the emotional distress is converted into physical ailments like headaches, muscle tension, digestive problems or chronic pain (McLean & Anderson, 2009; Fisher et al., 2022). A constantly stiff neck or recurring stomach ulcer may be anxiety's mask, especially if doctor visits find no apparent medical cause.
This "hidden face" of male anxiety is partly rooted in how boys and men are socialized. From a young age, many boys learn (explicitly or implicitly) that expressing fear or worry is "not manly." They are told to face their fears, not to complain, to "man up." Over time, this can condition men to internalize anxiety rather than express it. Fear and worry don't disappear, of course – they go underground. A man might sit in a meeting with a racing heart and sweating palms, but force a stoic exterior. Or he might deal with his chronic anxious thoughts by downing several beers at night, using alcohol to self-medicate the nerves he feels.
In some cases, anxiety in men manifests as anger or aggression. Rather than appearing overtly fearful, an anxious man might lash out when overwhelmed – a quick temper and "inappropriate anger" can be a sign of inner turmoil (Anxiety and Depression Association of America [ADAA], n.d.). This is not to excuse harmful behaviour, but to illuminate that for some men, irritability or even risky behaviour (reckless driving, impulsive decisions) may be attempts to cope with or escape anxious feelings they don't feel permitted to talk about (Fisher et al., 2021). Indeed, mental health experts have observed that men facing anxiety often engage in escapist behaviours – spending excessive time at work, in the gym, or on hobbies to distract themselves – and may turn to substances or adrenaline-fueled activities to blunt the discomfort (Anxiety and Depression Association of America [ADAA], n.d.; Friedman et al., 2019). All of these masks can delay recognition of the real issue: anxiety that deserves compassion and effective management.
Encouraging self-reflection is a key step to unmasking men's anxiety. A man reading this might ask himself: Could that relentless drive to always stay late at work be related to worry about job performance or financial security? Is my quick temper or constant muscle tension revealing my stress? Recognizing these patterns is not about guilt or "doing manhood wrong" – it's about understanding that anxiety does not make someone less of a man. Confronting and managing anxiety head-on is an act of strength. By acknowledging that anxiety might be hiding behind physical symptoms or ingrained habits, men can take the first step toward healthier ways of coping. It's liberating to realize that you don't have to endure stress alone, and that the tightness in your chest or the insomnia plaguing your nights are not signs of personal failure, but rather common human responses to pressure. With that awareness, the door opens to constructive action.
Familiar Sources of Stress for Men
Why are so many men anxious or stressed? The sources are often quite familiar – virtually every man, at various life stages, faces pressures that can become overwhelming. Financial strain is a significant stressor for many: the weight of providing for oneself or a family, worries over job stability, debts and bills, or the pressure to "succeed" professionally can create chronic tension. A young man early in his career may quietly panic about insecure employment or student loans. A middle-aged man might feel burdened by the mortgage, children's expenses, and the looming costs of retirement. These financial pressures tap into traditional expectations that a man should be a reliable provider, which can make monetary stress feel like a threat to one's identity or self-worth. It's no surprise that surveys show that money and work are the top sources of stress for men in North America (American Psychological Association [APA], 2020). In Canada, for example, men consistently report work finances as one of their most significant sources of life stress. However, they may not always openly discuss the toll this takes on their mental well-being (CAMH, 2018).
Career and performance pressure extend beyond finances. Men often feel expected to excel in their roles – to climb the ladder at work, to perform well academically or athletically, to "have it all together." The modern societal narrative of success can be unforgiving. Fear of failure or of not measuring up can fuel persistent anxiety. The young professional frets that one misstep could derail his trajectory; the man in a high-responsibility job lies awake at 3 AM replaying the day's mistakes or anticipating tomorrow's challenges.
Additionally, many men navigate role strain – the need to juggle multiple demanding roles simultaneously. A man might be a worker, a husband or partner, a father, a son to aging parents, a community member, all at once. Take the so-called "sandwich generation" man: caring for young children while also worrying about an elderly parent's health. The external demands compound, and even a strong, stoic fellow can begin to feel pulled apart at the seams by competing responsibilities. It is understandable to feel anxious given what's on many men's plates.
Relationships and family life, while sources of joy and meaning, can also introduce profound stress. Marital or partnership conflicts, for instance, often weigh heavily on men, even if they say little about it. Tension or communication breakdown with one's spouse can lead to festering worry ("Am I a bad husband? Is my marriage failing?"). Fatherhood is another major life transition that can spike anxiety: new fathers commonly experience fears about their newborn's well-being, sleep deprivation, and the enormous sense of responsibility of raising a child. Yet men may feel they must "be the rock" and thus hesitate to voice these worries. As a result, a new dad might quietly lose sleep with worry, feeling he alone must bear it. Men also frequently undergo life transitions that disrupt their equilibrium – a breakup or divorce, the loss of a loved one, job loss or career change, moving to a new city, or retirement and aging. Each transition challenges one's sense of identity and stability. For example, retiring from a decades-long career might trigger unexpected anxiety as a man wonders what his purpose is now, or how to fill his days. Without the structure and identity provided by work, underlying anxieties can surface.
Certain groups of men face additional or specific stressors. Men in military or first-responder roles may endure trauma that leads to anxiety or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) – the veteran who witnessed horrific events in combat, or the paramedic who daily sees life-and-death situations. The "warrior's dilemma" is that these men, trained to be fearless protectors, might struggle immensely with PTSD or chronic anxiety but feel conflicted about admitting it (Friedman et al., 2019). The result can be hypervigilance, nightmares, and emotional shutdown that go unaddressed. Other men facing discrimination or marginalization – such as Indigenous men, racialized men, or LGBTQ+ men – carry stress related to societal pressures or trauma. For instance, an Indigenous man might carry intergenerational trauma and face daily discrimination, compounding anxiety; a gay man might have internalized anxieties from years of hiding his identity or facing prejudice. Moreover, external crises and uncertainty affect men just as they do everyone else; events such as economic recessions, pandemics, or global conflicts can add additional stress (APA, 2020). The key point is that men's anxiety does not arise in a vacuum. There are often very real situational reasons for stress – be it the pile of unpaid bills on the desk, the unrealistic deadline at work, or the deep worry about being a good father and partner. Understanding these familiar sources of stress helps validate that if you, as a man, feel anxious, you are not alone and not "just making a fuss." You are reacting to real pressures, and it makes sense to seek healthy ways to cope with them.
Healthy Ways to Cope
Knowing that stress will inevitably affect our lives, how can men cope in healthy and effective ways? One of the biggest myths to debunk is that ignoring stress will make it disappear. In reality, trying to tough it out by avoidance or denial often lets stress fester and intensify, sometimes coming out sideways (through the masks described earlier). A far better approach is to be proactive – to use strategies that engage both body and mind in calming the storm. Think of it as training for a challenge: just as one might train muscles to lift heavier weights, men can train their nervous system and mental habits to handle stress more resiliently. Here are several proven strategies that any man – regardless of age or background – can incorporate:
Physical Activity: It's often said that exercise is medicine, and this holds for stress and anxiety. Regular physical activity is a powerful stress reliever and mood booster. When you exercise, your body releases endorphins and other anti-anxiety neurochemicals (such as serotonin and endocannabinoids) that improve your sense of well-being and directly counteract stress hormones (Ratey, 2019). Whether it's lifting weights, running, cycling, swimming, or even a brisk walk or a game of pick-up basketball, getting your heart rate up can help burn off the excess adrenaline that anxiety produces. Many men find that exercising after a tough day provides immediate relief: muscles relax, the mind clears, and worries seem more manageable. Over time, staying physically active can lower your baseline anxiety levels and buffer you against stressors. Aerobic exercises (cardio) are especially noted for their anxiety-reducing effects, but strength training or martial arts can be equally beneficial if those appeal to you. The key is consistency – doing something active regularly. Bonus points if you can do it outdoors: exercising in nature, such as hiking trails, cycling in a park, or even doing yard work, adds a calming effect. Nature has a restorative power – the fresh air, sunlight, and presence of trees or water can further lower stress and give a sense of grounding. (If you think about it, this aligns with ancient wisdom: our ancestors often found solace and strength in engaging with the natural world. Reconnecting with these roots can help modern men feel more centred and resilient.)
Breathing and Relaxation Techniques: At first glance, practices like deep breathing, meditation, or yoga may sound foreign or even uncomfortable to some men, but framing them as training for your nervous system can make them more appealing. Diaphragmatic breathing (also known as belly breathing) and other breathing exercises are essentially tools to calm your body's stress response. One simple technique is the 4-7-8 breathing method: inhale through your nose for a count of 4, hold the breath for a count of 7, then exhale slowly through your mouth for a count of 8. This pattern can be repeated a few times and functions almost like a natural tranquillizer for the nervous system (Cronkleton, 2024). Men who practice this during moments of panic or when trying to fall asleep often find that it slows the racing heart and quiets the mind. Another approach is progressive muscle relaxation, which involves systematically tensing and then releasing each muscle group in the body, from the toes to the shoulders. By doing so, you become aware of where you're holding tension (tight shoulders, clenched jaw, etc.) and learn to release it. Many men carry muscle tension without realizing it, so this exercise can be surprisingly effective in producing a feeling of relaxation and control. Meditation and mindfulness techniques can also be viewed as mental workouts. Even a short 5–10 minute meditation – where you sit quietly, focus on your breath, and gently redirect your thoughts when they wander – can reduce anxiety symptoms and improve concentration. If sitting in silence isn't your style, consider mindful movement practices like yoga, tai chi, or Qigong, which offer a blend of gentle exercise and meditative focus. Although these activities may seem unfamiliar, they have gained popularity among men, including athletes and veterans, as they train both the body and mind. Think of yoga or tai chi as ways to improve flexibility, balance, and breathing while also centring your thoughts – truly integrating physical and mental well-being. The first time you try a relaxation exercise, it might feel odd, but over time, these techniques become powerful tools in your arsenal. You wouldn't go into a big game or a major presentation without the proper equipment; similarly, breathing techniques and mindful relaxation are equipment for tackling stress.
Sleep and Diet: Never underestimate the basics. Our physical foundations – sleep, nutrition, and moderation in substances – have a significant impact on anxiety and stress levels. Sleep deprivation is both a cause and an effect of anxiety. If you're only getting 4–5 restless hours a night, your body is running on fumes, and your mind becomes more fragile under pressure. Many men fall into a vicious cycle: stress leads to insomnia, which leads to more irritability and anxiety the next day. Breaking that cycle by improving sleep hygiene can make an enormous difference. Practical steps include maintaining a consistent sleep schedule (even on weekends), keeping your bedroom dark and cool, and avoiding screens and work right before bed. Try establishing a calming pre-sleep routine – perhaps stretching, reading something light (such as a novel or a magazine), or practicing the breathing techniques mentioned above.
Limit heavy meals or alcohol late at night; while a nightcap might make you drowsy initially, alcohol disrupts sleep quality and can cause you to wake up at 3 AM with a pounding heart. Similarly, diet and stimulants affect anxiety. Large amounts of caffeine (coffee, energy drinks) can trigger or worsen anxiety symptoms – the jitters, rapid heartbeat, and feelings of panic can all be caffeine's fault. You don't have to quit your morning coffee, but be mindful of not overdoing it, especially if you're already feeling anxious. Eating well-balanced meals at regular intervals helps keep your blood sugar stable, which in turn stabilizes your mood. Ever notice feeling extra anxious or irritable when you're extremely hungry? That's your body's stress response to low fuel. So, prioritize a balanced diet: lean proteins, whole grains, fruits, vegetables, and staying hydrated. Omega-3 fats (found in fish, walnuts, flaxseed) have some evidence of supporting mood health. Also, be cautious with alcohol and other substances as coping tools. While many men might reach for a beer or a whiskey to "take the edge off" after a stressful day, alcohol can rebound and make anxiety worse (not to mention lead to dependency). Alcohol depresses the central nervous system and can initially feel relaxing, but as it metabolizes, it can increase nervousness and disrupt sleep and recovery. A drink in moderation might be fine for some, but it's worth exploring other ways to unwind that don't carry those side effects. In summary, treating your body kindly – through rest and healthy fuel – creates a sturdier foundation to withstand mental storms. It's a holistic view: when your physical vessel is in better shape, your emotional resilience follows suit.
Integrated Well-being: Beyond the individual tactics above, it's essential to consider an integrated approach to well-being – one that recognizes the interplay of physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health. Modern positive masculinity, as championed by many men's organizations, emphasizes that a man's strength is enhanced when he nurtures all aspects of himself, including his emotional and spiritual well-being. This means it's not just okay, but profoundly beneficial, for men to care for their emotional and spiritual needs in addition to their physical and mental needs. What might this look like in practice? On the emotional front, it involves acknowledging feelings as they arise (fear, sadness, worry, joy – the whole spectrum) rather than suppressing them. It might mean journaling about what's stressing you, or having an honest conversation with a friend, or simply allowing yourself a good cry when needed. Emotionally healthy coping could also involve creative outlets – some men find relief in playing music, writing, or working with their hands (like woodworking or painting). These provide a constructive release for emotions that would otherwise churn internally. On the spiritual side, this doesn't necessarily mean religion (though it may be so for some). It can be any practice that gives you a sense of meaning, connection, or inner peace. It could be spending time in nature, as mentioned – sitting by a lake, hiking in the mountains, or gazing at the stars can provide a profound sense of perspective and calm, reminding us that we're part of something larger. It might involve meditation or prayer, if those resonate, or reading philosophical or inspirational texts that help reframe your struggles. Some men find a form of spiritual relief in communal activities – volunteering for a cause, participating in cultural traditions, or simply engaging deeply in family life and passing on wisdom to the younger generation. The idea is to feed the soul as well as the body and mind. An integrated approach acknowledges that a man can be both strong and vulnerable, both self-reliant and connected. As Beyond Brotherhood's guiding principles suggest, by embracing authenticity, practicing self-awareness, and connecting through genuine brotherhood, men can reclaim a sense of wholeness. In practical terms, this might mean balancing your week: lifting weights or running (body), reading or learning something new (mind), sharing openly with a buddy or in a men's group about how you're really doing (emotional connection), and maybe spending Sunday morning fishing by the river or meditating quietly (spiritual grounding). Such balanced self-care isn't indulgent – it's the maintenance of the whole person, akin to keeping all parts of an engine well-oiled so it runs smoothly under strain.
By adopting these healthy coping strategies, men can transform the way they handle stress. It's not about never feeling anxiety again (unrealistic), but about reducing unnecessary anxiety and managing the inevitable stress in ways that make you stronger rather than depleting you. Over time, these habits compound. The man who starts taking a 20-minute evening walk instead of downing a six-pack might find after a few weeks that he's sleeping better and snapping at his kids less. The student who practices 4-7-8 breathing before exams might notice he's able to focus without his heart galloping. The new father who opens up to a fellow dad about his worries could discover a sense of camaraderie and relief that was missing. These healthy coping methods are forms of resilience training – making you more capable in the face of life's pressures. And importantly, they affirm that you don't have to ignore stress to be a man; you can face it and actively work with it, which is ultimately far more effective.
The Strength in Seeking Help
One of the bravest steps a man can take in facing anxiety and stress is to seek help – yet this is precisely where many men hesitate due to stigma. It's time to address this barrier head-on: reaching out for support is not a sign of weakness; it is a sign of wisdom and strength. Just as you'd consult a mechanic for a troubling noise in your car or a doctor for a persistent physical pain, consulting a mental health professional for stress or anxiety is the smart and responsible choice when your coping efforts aren't enough. Unfortunately, the old-fashioned idea that a man must "tough it out" alone runs deep. Many men fear that saying "I need help" equates to admitting defeat or inadequacy. But consider this reframing: Seeking help is a form of problem-solving and self-improvement. It's taking action to fix an issue, much like taking your car to the shop to ensure it runs optimally. Research indicates that masculine norms, such as stoicism and self-reliance, can deter men from seeking help, even when they desperately need it (Seidler et al., 2018). However, when men do overcome that hump, they often discover that talking to someone – whether a friend, a mentor, or a therapist – provides relief and actionable tools, not judgment.
There's tremendous strength in simply talking it out. Start with someone you trust: a friend, a partner, a brother, or a colleague. You might be surprised how many of them have dealt with similar feelings. Often, just voicing worries out loud can halve their power – what felt overwhelming in your mind might seem more manageable once spoken and shared. This is not dumping burdens on others; it's engaging the basic human process of support. If you have a friend going through a hard time, wouldn't you want him to confide in you so you could help? True brotherhood and friendship are built on having each other's backs in tough times. By opening up, you also allow others to do the same, creating a positive ripple effect. And if someone confides in you, you don't have to have perfect answers – often lending an ear and saying "I hear you, and you're not alone" is enough. Breaking the silence breaks the stigma.
Professional help, such as therapy or counselling, is another level of support that can be life-changing. Many men who eventually try therapy come away pleasantly surprised. The fear might be that treatment is just about spilling feelings or dredging up childhood stuff endlessly. In reality, therapies for anxiety (like cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) or other evidence-based approaches) are often efficient and focused on skills. A therapist can teach you how to identify distorted thought patterns that fuel anxiety ("I'm going to get fired," "I must handle everything alone"), and then challenge and change those thoughts. They can guide you through techniques to calm panic attacks or help you gradually face your fears in a controlled way. Think of a therapist as a coach for your mental fitness. Just as a sports coach helps you refine techniques and strategy, a therapist helps you develop mental techniques to handle stress, change unhelpful habits, and build resilience. Importantly, therapy provides a confidential and judgment-free space to unload what you've been carrying. That act of unloading – speaking your worries to a compassionate professional who understands – can bring immense relief and perspective in itself. Many men say that after a few sessions, they feel as if a pressure valve has been released. Therapy can be short-term; even a few sessions may provide you with the tools to manage your condition more effectively. Alternatively, some men choose longer-term counselling to work through deeper issues at their own pace. There is no one-size-fits-all, and that's okay.
If the anxiety is severe, persistent, or accompanied by depression, medication might be another tool to consider in consultation with a doctor. This is another area where stigma creeps in ("I don't want to be dependent on pills" or "Real men don't take antidepressants"). But consider the analogy: If you had diabetes, taking insulin would not be seen as a personal failure; it would be recognized as the correct medical treatment for a health condition. Similarly, treating anxiety with a medication when appropriate is simply addressing a health issue. Medications such as anti-anxiety drugs or antidepressants can correct underlying imbalances and provide relief, especially in combination with therapy. Some medications are designed for short-term relief (for instance, something to help break a cycle of panic attacks or to get sleep back on track).
In contrast, others are longer-term to prevent relapse of anxiety or depressive symptoms. A physician or psychiatrist can explain the options and side effects. The key is that there's no shame in using all available tools to improve your well-being. Taking care of your mental health is a crucial aspect of maintaining your overall well-being.
It may also be reassuring to know that you're in good company if you decide to seek help. In recent years, numerous successful, high-profile men have openly shared that they have gone to therapy or received treatment for anxiety, depression, or other mental health challenges. For example, NBA All-Star Kevin Love wrote candidly about experiencing panic attacks and how seeing a therapist and practicing mindfulness helped him recover (Sutton et al., 2021). Olympian Michael Phelps and actors like Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson and Ryan Reynolds have spoken about therapy or anxiety struggles, emphasizing that getting help was crucial to their well-being and success. Professional athletes regularly work with sports psychologists to manage performance anxiety and sharpen their mental game. Far from being weak, this is viewed as taking their game to the next level. When you hear a tough, accomplished person say, "Therapy helped me," it underlines that mental health care is not a luxury or a weird indulgence; it's part of being the best version of oneself. Imagine reframing therapy as mental training or stress coaching – it fits perfectly with a mindset of self-improvement. If we invest in personal trainers for our bodies or financial advisors for our money, why not invest in expert guidance for our mental and emotional health? The returns can be profound: better relationships, improved focus and performance, more inner peace, and, quite literally, a longer and healthier life. Mental health issues like chronic anxiety can wear down the body (contributing to high blood pressure and heart issues) and shorten life spans if unaddressed (Blanchflower and Oswald, 2008). Seeking help not only alleviates the immediate distress but can also be a lifesaving measure in the long run.
For those concerned about what others might think, please be assured that confidentiality is a core component of professional mental health care. No one else needs to know you're seeing a therapist unless you choose to tell them. Moreover, attitudes are slowly but surely changing. It is increasingly recognized that true bravery sometimes means saying, "I'm not okay, and I want to do something about it." In fact, by taking that step, you may inspire another man in your life to do the same when he needs it. Ultimately, asking for help when needed is an act of self-respect. It signals that you value yourself and your loved ones enough to prioritize your health. It's the opposite of giving up – it's refusing to give up. And every man deserves that chance.
Building Your Resilience Toolkit
Life will always have rough weather. The goal isn't to avoid every storm, but to cultivate resilience so you can navigate through them and emerge stronger. In this section, we compile a concise "resilience toolkit" – a set of go-to tactics a man can employ when stress spikes or anxiety creeps in. Think of these as tools you can pull out of your back pocket whenever you start feeling overwhelmed, in addition to the ongoing healthy habits discussed earlier. By practicing these techniques regularly, they become second nature, enabling you to rely on them in critical moments. Here are some practical tools for your kit:
4-7-8 Breathing in Moments of Panic: When you feel a surge of panic or your heart racing with acute anxiety, immediately pause and do the 4-7-8 breathing exercise. Inhale through your nose for 4 seconds, filling your belly with air; hold that breath for 7 seconds; then exhale slowly through pursed lips for 8 seconds. Repeat this cycle three or four times. This technique serves as a quick circuit-breaker for panic, stimulating the body's relaxation response and restoring a sense of control within minutes (Cronkleton, 2024). It's like hitting the reset button on a jittery system. Practice it even when you're not anxious so that it comes easily when you are. You can do this discreetly anytime: in a bathroom stall before a big meeting, in your parked car, or lying in bed at night.
"Worst-Case Scenario" Worksheet: Anxiety thrives on catastrophic thinking – the brain tends to leap to worst-case scenarios ("If I make a mistake on this project, I'll get fired and never find a job again!"). A clever approach to challenging this is to write out the worst-case scenario and then analyze it rationally. Take pen to paper (or a note on your phone) and jot down: "What am I terrified will happen?" Then ask yourself: "How likely is this, honestly?" and "Even if that happened, could I survive it? What would I do next?" Often, you'll find the worst-case is either very unlikely or not as world-ending as emotions suggest. For example, missing a deadline might lead to a stern talk with the boss and a need to apologize – an unpleasant but not career-ending consequence. By bringing these thoughts into the light, you rob them of some terror. It's a bit like shining a flashlight under the bed to show a scared kid that there's no monster; the act of rationally examining the fear makes it shrink. This written exercise is a cornerstone of cognitive-behavioural techniques for anxiety (Beck & Clark, 1997), helping to transform vague dread into concrete problem-solving.
Routine with Recovery Time: Maintain a daily routine that includes not just work and obligations, but scheduled downtime. High-performing men sometimes schedule everything except relaxation – but even "tough guys" need to take time for recovery. Treat your mind like a muscle that needs rest after intense mental exertion. This could mean setting aside 30 minutes in the evening for reading a novel or watching a funny show (laughter is a great stress release), or having a non-negotiable hour on Sunday afternoons for a relaxing activity (a walk, a nap, or a hobby). Build small rituals: enjoy a morning coffee slowly while listening to music, or take a 10-minute wind-down stretch every night. Consistency in routine can also provide stability amid chaos. If you're going through a particularly stressful period, keeping regular sleep and wake times, regular meal times, and a familiar daily structure can give a sense of normalcy and control that buffers anxiety. At the same time, include micro-breaks during your workday – step outside for five minutes of fresh air, do some quick push-ups, or walk up a flight of stairs to burn off adrenaline, or practice a one-minute mindfulness pause (close your eyes, stretch, and breathe deeply). These brief respites prevent stress from accumulating unchecked.
Pleasurable Activities and Hobbies: Make it a point to engage in at least one enjoyable activity or hobby every week, ideally a little each day. Hobbies are not trivial; they are crucial outlets for stress and sources of positive emotion. Whether it's playing guitar, cooking, cycling, woodworking, gardening, playing video games, or shooting hoops with friends, do something that you genuinely enjoy and that absorbs your attention. These moments act as pressure release valves. When you're immersed in a hobby, your mind gets a break from ruminating on worries. It's like giving the mind a mini-vacation, which increases your capacity to handle stress upon returning to it. For men who feel they "don't have time" for hobbies due to responsibilities, consider this: even a couple of 15-minute pockets spent on something you love can refresh you and make you more effective in your duties. If you dropped hobbies you used to love, consider rekindling them or trying something new. Always wanted to learn the guitar? There's no time like the present. Curious about martial arts? Join a beginner's class – you'll get exercise and mental focus practice, a two-in-one benefit.
Social Connection ("Brotherhood"): Perhaps one of the most potent yet undervalued tools is connecting with other men. Modern life can be isolating for men, especially as they age and juggle family and work, leading to friendships often falling by the wayside. But sharing experiences and solidarity is profoundly healing. Consider joining or forming a men's support group, a weekly meetup, or even a casual "guys' night" where open and honest conversation is encouraged. Some communities have Men's Sheds or support circles where men gather to do activities together (like building projects, cooking, or outdoor adventures), and naturally, conversation flows about life's challenges. When you hear others open up, it normalizes your struggles – you realize "I'm not the only one who feels this way." Knowing others face similar storms can be a huge relief. It also creates a network of accountability: if you haven't seen Joe at the gym in a while, you give him a call; if your buddy knows you were anxious about an interview, he checks in to see how it went. This is brotherhood in action – having each other's backs. Even if you don't join a formal group, prioritize maintaining a few close friendships. It could be as simple as a weekly phone call with your old college roommate, or a monthly meetup to watch a game or go fishing. During those times, challenge yourself to move beyond surface talk occasionally – ask your friend how he's doing with the new baby, or mention that you've been stressed about work and see where the conversation goes. Often, this permits a deeper connection.
Micro-Actions for Stress Spikes: Develop a menu of quick coping actions you can take anywhere when you notice stress rising. For example, step outside and do 20 jumping jacks or push-ups (a physical burst to burn stress). Splash cold water on your face (triggers the dive reflex, which can reduce acute anxiety). Listen to a calming or uplifting song on your headphones (music is a potent mood regulator). Use a grounding technique: name five things you can see, four you can feel, three you can hear, two you can smell, one you can taste – this forces your mind to the present moment instead of spiralling (this is known as the "5-4-3-2-1" grounding method in anxiety management). These micro-actions only take a minute or two but can interrupt the stress response and prevent escalation. Experiment and find which ones work best for you. Some men carry a small object in their pocket, like a smooth stone or a coin, that they can rub when anxious – a tactile grounding object. Others find that dropping and doing some quick exercises is their reset. There's no wrong answer as long as it's a healthy action.
Building your resilience toolkit is a personal process – not every tool works for every person, and that's fine. The idea is to assemble a custom set of strategies that you know you can rely on. It can help to write these down somewhere (in a note on your phone or a small notebook). During calm moments, list out your favourite coping strategies, so that when you're in the thick of stress, you don't have to think too hard – you can look at your list and pick something. Over time, using these tools will feel more natural, and you'll likely add new ones. Remember that resilience is like a muscle: every time you face a challenge and use a healthy coping strategy instead of breaking down or avoiding it, you are strengthening that muscle. This doesn't mean you won't feel the impact of the storm; it means you'll trust in your ability to get through it without capsizing.
Conclusion
Every man will face storms in life – sudden squalls of stress, prolonged seasons of uncertainty, or waves of anxiety that threaten to pull him under. You cannot stop the storm, but you can learn to sail your ship through it. Think of facing anxiety as learning to captain a vessel in rough seas. At first, the gales might terrify you, and you might doubt your seamanship. But as you practice steering, as you get to know your boat and the tools at your disposal, you gain confidence that no matter how hard the wind howls, you have what it takes to ride it out. You reinforce the hull (building physical health and coping skills), you learn to read the weather (recognizing triggers and signs of stress early), and you keep a lifeline handy (reach out for support when needed). Over time, what once felt overwhelming becomes manageable, even meaningful – because each challenge you overcome adds to your mastery.
Let's return to our opening metaphor of the storm. It's worth acknowledging that anxiety and stress are everyday, human experiences – not a personal failing. By some estimates, anxiety disorders are the most prevalent mental health conditions among men worldwide (Baxter et al., 2013; Fisher et al., 2022). You are far from alone in feeling this. There is nothing to be ashamed of in finding life challenging to handle at times. Confronting anxiety head-on is a mark of courage. It may not be as visibly dramatic as slaying a dragon, but it is an actual act of bravery in modern life. Each time a man says, "I'm going to deal with this stress healthily" instead of running from it, he is essentially saying, "I choose to live, to grow, and not to let fear rule me." That's powerful.
Imagine the example you set by doing so. By weathering your storms openly and constructively, you show younger men and boys – perhaps your sons, nephews, or mentees – that it's okay to struggle and okay to seek help. You show your peers that taking care of mental health is part of being a whole, capable man. And you contribute to a culture where positive masculinity thrives: one where men support each other, value their well-being, and integrate strength with sensitivity. Modern positive masculinity isn't about never flinching; it's about having the integrity to acknowledge pain and the determination to heal from it. It's about that balanced masculinity we spoke of – one that radiates inner strength and compassion in equal measure.
As we conclude, consider this an invitation and a challenge. Invitation: to take one small step after reading this. Perhaps tonight you'll take that jog or do those 10 minutes of breathing exercises you've been meaning to try. Maybe tomorrow morning you'll open up to a colleague and say, "You know, I've been pretty stressed lately," and see where the conversation goes. Or you'll call your doctor and finally schedule that appointment to talk about your anxiety. These small steps are like setting your ship's course towards calmer waters. Challenge: to not run from the storm, but to face it. The next time you feel that familiar knot in your stomach or tightening in your chest, instead of immediately distracting yourself or exploding in anger, pause. Take a deep breath. Remember what you've read here – that you have tools and options. You're training to be your storm-captain, and this is a chance to practice. It might still be hard, but you can get through it, and each time you will grow more confident.
Finally, know that help and calm are within reach. You've read this far, which shows a willingness to engage and improve – that itself is a victory. The storm does not last forever. By tackling stress in healthy ways, you will feel better. You'll likely find not only relief from anxiety, but also a greater sense of control and fulfillment in life. You'll be more present for the moments of joy and connection that are the why behind it all. And by doing this work, you contribute to a brotherhood of men who are redefining strength – men who can stand tall in the face of adversity, not because they never feel fear, but because they have learned to dance with it and not let it break them. Facing the storm is daunting, yes. But on the other side of that storm is a horizon of possibility: a life where stress is met with resilience, where burdens are shared and thus lightened, and where being a man means living fully – physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. That is the calm after the storm that awaits, and it is worth every bit of effort. Hoist your sails; you are not alone on these seas, and your journey toward calmer waters has already begun.
References
American Psychological Association. (2020). Stress in America™ 2020: A National Mental Health Crisis. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/stress/2020/report-october
Anxiety and Depression Association of America [ADAA]. (n.d.). Men's Mental Health. Retrieved from https://adaa.org/find-help/by-demographics/mens-mental-health.
Baxter, A. J.; Scott, K. M.; Vos, T.; and Whiteford, H. A. (2013). Global Prevalence of Anxiety Disorders: A Systematic Review and Meta-Regression. Psychological Medicine, 43(5), 897–910.
Blanchflower, David G.; and Oswald, Andrew J. (2008). Hypertension and Happiness Across Nations. Journal of Health Economics, 27(2), 218–233.
Centre for Addiction and Mental Health [CAMH]. (n.d.). Mental Health and Addiction: Facts and Statistics. Retrieved from https://www.camh.ca/en/driving-change/the-crisis-is-real/mental-health-statistics.
Cronkleton, Emily. (2024). 10 Breathing Exercises to Try When You're Feeling Stressed. Headspace (Healthline), retrieved from https://www.healthline.com/health/breathing-exercise.
Fisher, Krista; Seidler, Zac E.; King, Kylie; Oliffe, John L.; and Rice, Simon M. (2021). Men's Anxiety: A Systematic Review. Journal of Affective Disorders, 295, 688-702.
Fisher, Krista; Seidler, Zac E.; King, Kylie; Oliffe, John L.; Robertson, Steve; and Rice, Simon. (2022). Men's Anxiety, Why it Matters, and What is Needed to Limit Its Risk for Male Suicide. Discover Psychology, 2(1), 18, Article 18.
Friedman, Matthew J.; Moore, Bret A. (Ed); and Penk, Walter E. (Ed). (2019). Treating PTSD in Military Personnel: A Clinical Handbook (2nd Edition). Gilford Publications, ISBN 9781462538447.
McLean, Carmen P.; and Anderson, Emily R. (2009). Brave Men and Timid Women? A Review of the Gender Differences in Fear and Anxiety. Clinical Psychology Review, 29(6), 496–505.
Ratey, John J. (2019, October 24). Can Exercise Help Treat Anxiety? Harvard Health Publishing, Harvard Medical School, retrieved from https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/can-exercise-help-treat-anxiety-2019102418096.
Seidler, Zac E.; Dawes, Alexei J.; Rice, Simon M.; Oliffe, John L.; and Dhillon, Haryana M. (2016). The Role of Masculinity in Men's Help-Seeking for Depression: A Systematic Review. Clinical Psychology Review 49, 106-118.
Sutton, Caroline; and HeadsUpGuys Team. (2021, January 5 – Updated 2024, September 17). Managing Anxiety – Practical Tips for Men. Retrieved from https://headsupguys.org/managing-anxiety-practical-tips-men/.
Sutton, Caroline; Sernasie, Chloe; and HeadsUpGuys Team. (2021, June 9, Updated 2024, June 12). 18 Male Athletes and Celebrities Who've Talked About the Value of Therapy. Retrieved from https://headsupguys.org/18-male-athletes-celebrities-whove-talked-value-therapy/.
© Citation:
Pitcher, E. Mark. (2025, September 28). Facing the Storm: Tackling Anxiety and Stress in Men's Lives. Beyond Brotherhood. https://www.beyondbrotherhood.ca/post/facing-the-storm-tackling-anxiety-and-stress-in-men-s-lives.
About the Author
Mark Pitcher lives off-grid in a secluded corner of the Canadian Rockies for half the year, drawing inspiration from the land's raw, primal beauty. It's from this deep communion with nature that his vision for Beyond Brotherhood was born. Mark is the visionary founder of Beyond Brotherhood – a wilderness sanctuary where men reconnect with their authentic power and heal from within.
He is involved with men's groups across Canada and beyond, including Wyldmen (wyldmen.com), MDI - Mentor Discover Inspire (mentordiscoverinspire.org), Connect'd Men (connectdmen.com), Illumen of BC (illumanofbc.ca), Man Aligned (manaligned.ca), Sacred Sons (sacredsons.com), UNcivilized Nation (manuncivilized.com/thenation), and Strenuous Life (strenuouslife.co). Through all these efforts, he remains devoted to mentoring males of all ages in holistic well-being—physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual—guiding each to find and live their purpose.
Grounded in compassion, Mark is a strong advocate for male mental health and suicide prevention. Knowing that men comprise 75% of all suicide deaths in Canada, he works tirelessly to break the silence and stigma that keep so many men suffering alone. Mark's approach to healing and growth bridges the gap between the ancient and the modern. He draws on Viktor Frankl's logotherapy, which emphasizes the importance of finding meaning even in the face of adversity. He complements this with Shinrin-Yoku (forest bathing) to immerse men in nature's calming presence, the invigorating shock of cold-water therapy to build resilience, and the ancient art of Qigong to cultivate inner balance and life energy. Now semi-retired, he continues to deepen his knowledge as a part-time student in the Spiritual Care Program at St. Stephen's College (University of Alberta), believing that a true guide never stops learning.
Mark is a leader and guide in every encounter, with a warm authenticity and magnetic presence. Whether penning a blog post or leading a circle of men around a crackling campfire, he leads with gentle strength, empathy, and unshakable passion. Mark invites you to join him on this journey of brotherhood and self-discovery. Follow the blog or connect with the community – every step is an invitation to reclaim your authentic power. With a future book on the horizon, he promises there is even more to explore. This journey is just beginning, and Mark looks forward to walking it together with you, always toward more profound connection and discovery.
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