Lightning Bolt Moments, Embracing the Unknown: How Men Can Harness the Power of Surprise and Turn It into a Strength for Growth
- Mark Pitcher
- Apr 11
- 12 min read
Surprise often strikes like a sudden flash of lightning—a jolt to our senses that demands our attention and, sometimes, changes our lives. These moments can feel both exhilarating and disorienting, carrying us into uncharted territory and challenging our preconceived notions of control. Yet, in every bolt of surprise lies the potential for growth, healing, and transformation. With greater awareness, emotional honesty, and a commitment to modern positive masculinity, men can harness this energy to expand their horizons—physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
The Purpose of Exploring Surprise
We often experience surprises in both large and small ways: a sudden career opportunity, an unforeseen twist in a relationship, or even a minor, day-to-day, unexpected event like running into an old friend at the grocery store. Yet how we respond to these abrupt shifts can define the trajectory of our evolution. For men, particularly those conditioned by cultural expectations of stoicism and predictability, it can be tempting to resist surprise to maintain a sense of composure (Noordewier and van Dijk, 2019; Namba et al., 2021). This article seeks to:
Illuminate the power of surprise in propelling men toward growth and adaptation.
Address cultural perceptions that shape how men react to the unpredictable.
Highlight strategies for channelling surprise into self-reflection, connection, and resilience opportunities.
This discussion upholds male well-being through openness, compassion, and authenticity. It emphasises why those "lightning bolt" moments can be crucial and how men can reorient themselves to embrace and harness them for holistic well-being.
Why Does Surprise Matter?
Surprise is more than just a momentary jolt; it can be a vehicle for discovery. By "surprise," we reference those instances when the world deviates from our scripts, offering a possibility to learn, adapt, and grow (Meyer et al., 1997). Especially for men, who are often socialised to prefer predictability and control, these lightning bolt moments can be significant turning points, confronting us with vulnerabilities we might otherwise keep buried (Noordewier and van Dijk, 2019).
Rather than dismiss or suppress these feelings, this article encourages men to consider how the spark of the unexpected might kindle curiosity, drive creativity, and forge stronger connections. In line with modern positive masculinity, this vantage point reframes adaptability and emotional honesty as markers of true strength rather than weakness (Kiselica and Englar-Carlson, 2010).
A New Vision of Positive Masculinity
Positive masculinity underscores the best attributes men can cultivate—courage, empathy, generosity, and adaptability—while discarding the harmful elements of rigid stereotypes (Brown, 2015; Plank, 2019). By inviting men to acknowledge surprise without judgment or shame, we promote a mindset of openness that can lead to healthy transformation and more robust relationships (Kiselica and Englar-Carlson, 2010).
This model aligns with the guiding principles: celebrating vulnerability, mutual support, and a willingness to learn from life's twists and turns. As we'll see, these qualities can help men move beyond a hyper-fixation of control and into a more expansive sense of self.
The Conceptual Nature of Surprise
Defining Surprise
In psychology, surprise is considered a transient or brief emotional state triggered by an unexpected event that conflicts with our immediate expectations or mental scripts (Ekman, 1999). It interrupts our flow, demanding that we pause and reevaluate our assumptions. According to Hord et al. (2009), this sudden surge of attention can stimulate curiosity, lead us to question entrenched beliefs, and open pathways to new understanding.
From a practical standpoint, surprise might be the disruptive email that lands in your inbox, the unanticipated health diagnosis, or even a pleasant revelation of someone's hidden talents. In every instance, the emotional wave that hits us can reshape our internal landscape—if we let it.
The Psychological Function of Surprise
Researchers have long explored how novelty moments can spark cognitive and emotional adaptation (Schützwohl, 1998). When something surprises us, our brains get briefly alert, scanning for potential threats or opportunities (Reeve, 2018). If we interpret the event as favourable, we might experience excitement or delight; if it is perceived as unfavourable, we might react with fear, anxiety, or suspicion (Zhu et al., 2019).
This interpretive process is key. For many men, cultural scripts influence how they categorise and respond to unforeseen events. Embracing a modern, positive approach to masculinity suggests replacing rigid reactions—often suppression or denial—with an openness that fosters reflection and growth.
The Neurological Basis of Surprise
Brain's Novelty Detection System
Surprise highlights key neural circuits associated with novelty detection, particularly in the hippocampus and dopaminergic pathways (Antons et al., 2023). This neural "alarm" compels us to pay attention to determine if the new information is beneficial or threatening. Over millennia, this mechanism helped our ancestors survive by responding swiftly to environmental changes—be it the sudden appearance of a predator or the welcome abundance of a new food source (Reeve, 2018).
While men and women possess comparable neurological wiring for novelty detection, cultural conditioning can shape how men manifest and process surprise (Iacoboni, 2009). Traditional norms often insist on male stoicism—men are expected to remain unflappable, even if internally, they are reeling (Noordewier and van Dijk, 2019; Namba et al., 2021). This cultural script can lead to what Zhu et al. (2019) term emotional inhibition, where men overregulate or mask their genuine reactions, potentially creating internal tension that prolongs stress responses.
However, through active self-reflection and emotional literacy, men can learn to engage with their initial reactions more productively (Kiselica and Englar-Carlson, 2010). As we develop positive masculine traits such as empathy and courage, the neural shock of surprise becomes an avenue for transformation rather than a cause for suppression.
Cultural Expectations and Men's Response to Surprise
Stoicism as a Masculine Ideal
Many boys receive direct or indirect messages from a young age: Don't cry, don't show weakness, don't lose your cool. Over time, this social conditioning crystallises into an image of the "ideal man"—composed, steady, and impervious to upheaval (Tamir, 2016). Indeed, popular media often glorifies men who maintain calm under pressure, rewarding them with admiration and respect (Noordewier and van Dijk, 2019; Namba et al., 2021).
Yet, the cost of perpetual composure can be high. When men feel forced to suppress genuine emotions, surprise can morph into chronic stress or abrupt emotional outbursts that undermine well-being and relationships. In contrast, modern approaches to masculinity position-controlled vulnerability as a hallmark of inner strength (Brown, 2015).
Societal Interpretations of Composure
In professional or high-stakes settings, men who react emotionally to unexpected news can be labelled "unreliable" or "weak," while those who remain stoic are lauded for their "grit" (Hord et al., 2009). This dynamic often makes men wary of acknowledging their feelings, leading them to bottle up confusion, fear, or even excitement.
However, contemporary research underscores the importance of balanced emotional regulation—the capacity to experience emotions fully while making choices aligned with one's values (Gross, 2015). The tension between authentic emotional expression and social acceptance is at the core of how men navigate surprise. Through a compassionate, positive masculinity lens, it's possible to strike a healthy balance, recognising that authenticity and composure coexist (Kiselica and Englar-Carlson, 2010).
Physical Ramifications of Surprise
Acute Stress Response
In moments of shock, our sympathetic nervous system releases hormones like adrenaline and cortisol, which cause various physiological changes: a racing heart, rapid breathing, and increased blood pressure (Antons et al., 2023; Lazarus and Folkman, 1974). While these mechanisms prepare us to act swiftly—what we call the fight-or-flight response—chronic exposure to surprise or repeated stress can strain the body, leading to physical issues such as hypertension, fatigue, and tension headaches (Koole, 2009).
Positive vs. Negative Effects
Not all surprises burden the body. Pleasant, serendipitous occurrences can trigger a surge in dopamine associated with motivation and pleasure (Hord et al., 2009). These uplifting surprises—even small ones like receiving kind words from a stranger—may buoy men's spirits and reinforce resilience. Conversely, repeated negative surprises can heighten cortisol levels, fueling chronic stress and leaving men vulnerable to burnout or anxiety disorders (Bandura, 1977).
From a positive masculinity standpoint, part of nurturing one's physical well-being involves identifying the emotional roots of stress and addressing them head-on.
Emotional and Psychological Implications
Catalyst for Curiosity, Creativity, and Growth
Surprise can act as an ignition switch for personal expansion when harnessed effectively. Take, for example, the man who unexpectedly learns about a business opportunity abroad. Initially, he may feel anxious, but curiosity can soon take over—spurring research, conversations with mentors, and, potentially, an adventurous leap into an unknown future. He can unlock creativity and resilience by interpreting the "shock" as an invitation rather than a threat (Meyer et al., 1997; Reeve, 2018).
In this way, surprise can prompt introspection and a re-evaluation of long-held assumptions. Perhaps we discover hidden passions or new ways to engage with our communities. Indeed, surprise can be that pivotal factor that reshapes our trajectory toward greater fulfilment (Hord et al., 2009).
Anxiety, Suspicion, and Hypervigilance
On the flip side, unsettling surprises—like a betrayal or a job loss—can push men into states of mistrust or hypervigilance (Zhu et al., 2019). In the absence of healthy coping strategies, these adverse shocks can contribute to ongoing anxiety, rigid emotional defences, or even avoidance behaviours that isolate men from supportive networks.
Modern positive masculinity encourages men to name these feelings, seek support, and employ constructive coping measures—whether that means confiding in trusted peers, engaging in therapy, or exploring personal development modalities (Gross, 2015). Far from being a sign of weakness, addressing difficult emotions head-on demonstrates courage and integrity (Brown, 2015).
Spiritual and Existential Angles
Moments of Epiphany
Surprise also influences spiritual awakening and existential insight (Fredrickson, 2001). A profound, unexpected moment—like glimpsing a remarkable sunset after a trying day—can stir a sense of awe that triggers introspection. Such moments often lead individuals to question their deeper purpose, values, or identity. These spiritual "lightning bolt" experiences remind us that life's unpredictable turns can spur clarity and renewed direction (Brown, 2015).
Embracing the Unknown
Life is inherently uncertain. By accepting that pleasant or painful surprises are natural elements of our journey, we can anchor ourselves more firmly in the present (Kabat-Zinn, 2003). Men who embrace this principle may find the unknown less intimidating and more expansive. It's not about seeking out chaos; it's about recognising that uncertainty is woven into the fabric of existence. Leaning into that awareness can cultivate humility, gratitude, and spiritual growth (Iacoboni, 2009).
Social and Relational Impact
Building Excitement and Romance
Positive surprises can rejuvenate bonds in relationships—whether intimate, familial, or friendships. A spontaneous weekend getaway, an unexpected love letter, or an out-of-the-blue display of affection can amplify shared excitement and connection (Peters et al., 2010). For men, orchestrating such surprises demonstrates intentionality, emotional investment, and creativity—all hallmarks of modern positive masculinity.
Dealing with Negative Surprises and Trust
Sometimes, the news jolts us in a negative direction: discovering infidelity, encountering severe financial strain, or being blindsided by a friend's betrayal. These events can unearth anger, sadness, and disillusionment (Zhu et al., 2019). Beyond the initial shock, what truly matters is how men process these experiences.
Modern positive masculinity counsels men to resist the urge for shutdown or revenge; instead, it promotes open communication, assertive boundary-setting, and, when possible, constructive dialogue (Carver, Scheier, and Segerstrom, 2010). Professional support—counselling or coaching—can sometimes ease the healing process by teaching healthier conflict resolution and emotional self-regulation strategies (Tamir, 2016).
Harnessing Surprise for Growth
Mindfulness Approaches to Openness
One fundamental tool for transforming surprise into personal evolution is mindfulness—paying non-judgmental attention to the present moment (Kabat-Zinn, 2003). By acknowledging a surge of surprise without instantly reacting, men give themselves the mental space to choose how they will respond. Recognising bodily sensations—like a quickened pulse—alongside immediate thoughts and emotions fosters an environment of conscious decision-making rather than reflexive defensiveness (Gross, 2015).
Practical Tips for Mindful Engagement
Pause and Breathe: A single deep breath can interrupt the knee-jerk stress response, creating a buffer for more thoughtful action.
Name the Emotion: Identify what you're feeling—shock, excitement, fear. Acknowledging it prevents suppression and promotes emotional clarity.
Reframe the Perspective: Ask yourself, What can I learn here? How might this serve my growth?
Act Intentionally: Whether stepping back for more reflection or responding in the moment, align your actions with values like integrity, empathy, and respect.
Practical Exercises to Embrace Surprise
Below are three exercises designed to help men navigate the unexpected with composure and openness:
1. Daily Micro-Surprise
Goal: Become comfortable with small, controlled surprises.
Method: Intentionally change one minor habit per day—take a new route to work, try an unfamiliar type of food, or listen to a new genre of music. Notice how you feel in the face of this minor disruption.
Benefit: It builds mental flexibility and diminishes the anxiety triggered by novelty (Reeve, 2018).
2. Lightning Bolt Journaling
Goal: Track emotional responses to significant or unexpected events.
Method: Each evening, jot down anything surprising that happened, note your immediate emotional reaction, and reflect on any deeper insights gleaned.
Benefit: Encourages self-awareness and emotional regulation (Tamir, 2016).
3. Open-Hearted Conversation
Goal: Share surprise experiences with a trusted friend or support group.
Method: Discuss a recent unexpected event, how you felt, and what you learned. Actively listen when others share, offering understanding without judgment.
Benefit: Deepens relational bonds and normalises emotional expression (Kiselica and Englar-Carlson, 2010).
Strategies for Managing Shock
Self-care and support become essential when surprise tips into a crisis—like an unexpected illness or sudden job loss (Koole, 2009). Consider these approaches:
Seek Support Early: Reach out to friends, family, or mental health professionals who can provide a non-judgmental environment (Bandura, 1977).
Engage in Physical Wellness: Exercise, nutrition, and sufficient sleep help the body and mind recover from acute stress (Lazarus and Folkman, 1974).
Explore Spiritual/Philosophical Perspectives: Reading or discussing existential concepts can situate personal crises within a broader, meaningful context (Brown, 2015).
Practice Relaxation Techniques: Meditation, yoga, or progressive muscle relaxation can alleviate tension and bring the nervous system back into balance (Kabat-Zinn, 2003).
Channeling Surprise into Opportunities
It's one thing to confront a startling event; it's another to transform it into a stepping stone. A man who unexpectedly loses his job may respond initially with dread or disorientation (Antons et al., 2023). However, by working through the stages of shock—acknowledging fear, seeking guidance, reevaluating priorities—he may emerge with a clearer sense of purpose or the impetus to start his venture (Meyer et al., 1997).
The key lies in one's interpretative lens: Do we label adversity as an insurmountable setback or seize it as a chance to realign with our strengths and core values (Carver et al., 2010)? By embracing surprise in line with the principles of positive masculinity—courage, empathy, and humility—men can redefine their narratives from loss to possibility.
Conclusion: A New Path Through the Unknown
Surprise, though fleeting, can profoundly alter our lives' trajectory. In societies where men are often expected to be the pillars of certainty, embracing the unpredictable can feel risky—yet it is precisely in that willingness to be open, curious, and flexible that men discover the depth of their resilience.
By acknowledging the essential role of surprise in our personal and collective journeys, we invite self-discovery and break away from stale scripts. Modern positive masculinity encourages men not to see shock or wonder as vulnerabilities but as catalysts for growth and connection. Whether confronted with a sudden opportunity or a daunting challenge, engaging with these lightning bolt moments can help us cultivate empathy, authenticity, and a richer sense of self.
In doing so, each new surprise becomes less of a threat and more of a guidepost—pointing toward deeper relationships, amplified creativity, and a genuinely satisfying life course. True strength lies not in avoiding the unknown but in daring to learn from it and transform it into something constructive and beautiful.
References
Antons, Stephanie; Büsche, Kjell; Mallon, Lukas; Wolf, Oliver T.; Diers, Martin; and Brand, Matthias. (2023). Stress Susceptibility, Affective Responses Toward Acute Stressors and Emotion Regulation Strategies in the Context of Problematic Pornography Use. Sexual Health and Compulsivity, 30(3), 231-251.
Bandura, Albert. (1977). Self-Efficacy: Toward a Unifying Theory of Behavioral Change. Psychological Review, 84(2), 191–215.
Brown, Brene. (2015). Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. Avery, ISBN 9781592408412.Carver, C. S., Scheier, M. F., and Segerstrom, S. C. (2010). Optimism. Clinical Psychology Review, 30(7), 879–889.
Ekman, Paul. (1999). Basic Emotions. In T. Dalgleish, Tim and Power, Mick (Eds.), Handbook of Cognition and Emotion (pp. 45–60). Wiley, ISBN 9780471978367.
Fredrickson, Barbara L. (2001). The Role of Positive Emotions in Positive Psychology: The Broaden-and-Build Theory of Positive Emotions. American Psychologist, 56(3), 218–226.
Gross, James J. (2015). Emotion Regulation: Current Status and Future Prospects. Psychological Inquiry, 26(1), 1–26.
Hord, Shirley M.; Roussin, James L.; and Sommers, William A. (2009). Guiding Professional Learning Communities: Inspiration, Challenge, Surprise, and Meaning. Corwin, ISBN 9781412972710.
Iacoboni, Marco. (2009). Mirroring People: The New Science of How We Connect With Others. Farrar, Straus and Giroux, ISBN 978-0374210175.
Kabat-Zinn, Jon. (2003). Mindfulness-Based Interventions in Context: Past, Present, and Future. Clinical Psychology 10(2) p. 144-156.
Kiselica, Mark S.; and Englar-Carlson, Matt. (2010). Identifying, Affirming, and Building Upon Male Strengths: The Positive Psychology/Positive Masculinity Model of Psychotherapy with Boys and Men. Psychotherapy 47(3) p.276-287.Koole, S. L. (2009). The psychology of emotion regulation: An integrative review. Cognition and Emotion, 23(1), 4–41.
Lazarus, Richard S.; and Folkman, Susan. (1974). Stress, Appraisal, and Coping. Springer Publishing Company, ISBN 9780826141903.
Meyer, Wulf-uwe; Reisenzein, Rainer; and Schützwohl, Achim. (1997). Toward a Process Analysis of Emotions: The Case of Surprise. Motivation and Emotion, 21(3), 251–274.
Namba, Shushi; Matsui, Hiroshi; and Zloteanu, Mircea. (2021). Distinct Temporal Features of Genuine and Deliberate Facial Expressions of Surprise. Scientific Reports, 11(1), 3362-3362, Article 3362
Noordewier, Marret K.; and van Dijk, Eric. (2019). Surprise: Unfolding of Facial Expressions. Cognition and Emotion, 33(5), 915-930.
Peters, Madelon. L.; Flink, Ida K.; Boersma, Katia; and Linton, Steven J. (2010). Manipulating Optimism: Can Imagining a Best Possible Self Be Used to Increase Positive Future Expectancies? The Journal of Positive Psychology, 5(3), 204–211.
Plank, Liz. (2019). For the Love of Men: From Toxic to a More Mindful Masculinity. St. Martin's Press, ISBN 978-1250196248.
Reeve, Johnmarshall. (2018). Understanding Motivation and Emotion (7th ed.). Wiley, ISBN 9781119367604.
Schützwohl, Achim. (1998). Surprise and Schema Strength. Journal of Experimental Psychology: Learning, Memory, and Cognition, 24(5), 1182–1199.
Tamir, Maya. (2016). Why Do People Regulate Their Emotions? A Taxonomy of Motives in Emotion Regulation. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 20(3), 199–222.
Zhu, Chuanlin; Li, Ping; Zhang, Zhao; Liu, Dianzhi; and Luo, Wenbo. (2019). Characteristics of the Regulation of the Surprise Emotion. Scientific reports, 9(1), 7576-7576, Article 7576.
© Citation:
Pitcher, E. Mark. (2025, April 11). Lightning Bolt Moments, Embracing the Unknown: How Men Can Harness the Power of Surprise and Turn It into a Strength for Growth. Beyond Brotherhood. https://www.beyondbrotherhood.ca/post/lightning-bolt-moments-embracing-the-unknown-how-men-can-harness-the-power-of-surprise-and-turn-it
Comments