From Boys to Men: The Power of Mentorship in Developing Healthy Masculinity
- Mark Pitcher
- Sep 15
- 33 min read
A drizzle fell on the empty football field at dusk, where a fifteen-year-old boy lingered after practice. Jason sat on the bleachers with slumped shoulders, wiping rain and tears from his face. He had been struggling for months – his father wasn't around, his grades were slipping, and he felt utterly lost. As twilight deepened, the crunch of footsteps approached. Coach Thompson, who usually locked up the field, sat down beside Jason. Instead of scolding him for staying late, the coach offered a gentle "Hey, you okay?" and listened. In that moment, a lifeline was thrown. Over the following weeks, Coach Thompson took Jason under his wing – inviting him to help plan team drills, introducing him to books on leadership, and sharing stories of his rocky teenage years. Jason found in this mentor not just a sports coach, but also a life coach. This ordinary scene – a young man, uncertain and searching, finding guidance from an older mentor – is timeless. Across cultures and history, mentorship has been a rite of passage: the passing of experience and wisdom from one generation to the next. Today, in a fast-paced world with new challenges, such bonds are needed more than ever. It does take a village to raise a child, and in the journey from boys to men, mentors are vital villagers. They help fill the gaps when fathers are absent or overburdened, providing steady guidance when it's needed most. The following exploration examines how positive mentorship can shape boys and younger men into healthy, confident adults – and how, in turn, being a mentor can imbue older men's lives with purpose. We will see that mentorship is a win-win relationship, forging bonds that often transform both mentor and mentee. Ultimately, developing healthy masculinity is not a solo endeavour; it is a community effort grounded in guidance, support, and example. By the end, you might be inspired to reflect on the mentors who impacted your journey – and consider how you can pay that forward to the next generation.
Why Mentorship Matters for Boys
Growing up male today can be as confusing as it is challenging. Many boys navigate a maze of mixed messages about what it means to "be a man." Society tells them to be strong but also sensitive, to be bold but not aggressive, to open up but not too much. Without positive role models to demonstrate balanced masculinity, boys can feel lost. Too often, they are inundated with skewed portrayals – the stoic action hero, the detached provider, or worse, toxic influencers online – instead of real-life examples of men who are kind, resilient, and respectful. The need for mentors begins with a fundamental gap in role models. In many communities, a lack of male figures is an everyday reality. For instance, about 12.8% of Canadian children live in households without a father present (Schulz, 2023). In the United States, 1 in 4 children (approximately 18 million young people) live without a biological, step, or adoptive father at home (Schulz, 2023). This father-absence leaves a void. Grandfathers, uncles, or family friends might step in, but not all boys have that advantage. Even beyond the home, boys often go through their day surrounded predominantly by women – 94% of childcare workers, 79% of school teachers, and 69% of pediatricians in the U.S. are female (Rhodes, n.d.). There is nothing wrong with women as role models, of course, but boys also need men to emulate. They crave an example of masculinity that is positive and attainable. Without real-life connections to guide them, boys may latch onto celebrities or peers for cues, which can lead them astray. It's no surprise, then, that in environments with few positive male influences, boys are at higher risk for a host of problems. Research has long linked fatherlessness or lack of role models with adverse outcomes: these children face four times greater risk of poverty, more emotional and behavioural problems, higher odds of substance abuse and dropping out of school, and even increased likelihood of criminal behaviour or teen parenthood (Schulz, 2023). In short, when a boy's "village" is missing healthy men, his path to adulthood can become treacherous. This is where mentorship becomes life-changing. A well-matched mentor can fill the gap by providing the steady, positive presence that every young person needs.
Evidence from mentoring programs strongly underscores that boys with mentors do better across the board. A landmark national study of Big Brothers Big Sisters – which paired adult volunteers with at-risk youth – found profound impacts. Over 18 months, boys and girls with mentors were significantly less likely to engage in risky behaviours and more likely to thrive. For example, mentored youth were 46% less likely to start using illegal drugs and 27% less likely to begin drinking alcohol compared to those without mentors (Tierney et al, 2000). They were 52% less likely to skip school, indicating higher school engagement (Tierney et al, 2000). Perhaps most striking, the mentored youth were almost one-third less likely to hit someone or resort to violence – suggesting that having a mentor helps channel anger and conflict in healthier ways (Tierney et al, 2000). Multiple studies corroborate these benefits. An extensive Canadian study tracking 1,000 children in Big Brothers Big Sisters programs found that those with a mentor became much more confident in their academic abilities and far less likely to show behavioural problems at school (The Chronicle of Evidence-Based Mentoring, 2013). Having a mentor was associated with a more positive attitude toward school – mentored boys were twice as likely to believe that doing well academically is important, and they were twice as likely to develop negative behaviours like bullying or fighting (The Chronicle of Evidence-Based Mentoring, 2013). In other words, mentors guide boys away from destructive choices and toward constructive ones.
Importantly, these gains are not just in what boys avoid but in what they embrace. Boys with mentors tend to exhibit higher self-esteem and resilience. One study noted that mentored boys worried far less about peer pressure – they were three times less likely to suffer anxiety about others' opinions (The Chronicle of Evidence-Based Mentoring, 2013). Instead of feeling alone or judged, they have someone in their corner, which builds social and emotional confidence. "This ground-breaking research confirms that mentoring changes the trajectory of young lives," declared Bruce MacDonald, CEO of Big Brothers Big Sisters of Canada (The Chronicle of Evidence-Based Mentoring, 2013). Indeed, mentored youth in these programs improved on virtually every metric: they attend school more, relate better to their families, and stay out of trouble more than their non-mentored peers (Tierney et al, 2000).
Why is mentorship so uniquely powerful for boys? One reason is that a mentor is an adult who is neither a parent nor a teacher, and thus occupies a special, non-judgmental role. Unlike a parent, a mentor isn't obligated to enforce rules or scold – the relationship is free of that baggage. And unlike a schoolteacher swamped with many students, a mentor can give singular focus to one young person. This dynamic creates a safe space for a boy to open up. Adolescents are notorious for tuning out authority figures, but a mentor is a different kind of authority – more like an ally with experience. Teens often feel that parents or teachers "don't get it," but a good mentor can say, "I've been where you are. I remember what it's like." That empathy, combined with the mentor's life experience, earns trust. Mentors become a listening ear when a boy feels he cannot talk to anyone else about his fears, mistakes, or dreams. In a world where boys are often told to "man up" and suppress their feelings, a mentor provides permission to be vulnerable and honest, while still modelling strength. This bond can redirect the course of a young man's life – keeping him in school, out of trouble, and emotionally supported through the storms of adolescence. In sum, mentorship matters for boys because it provides the guiding light that so many are missing. It offers consistent support during tumultuous times, helping boys not only avoid pitfalls but also grow in confidence and character. As one extensive report put it, "Mentoring changes the trajectory of young lives" (The Chronicle of Evidence-Based Mentoring, 2013) – a trajectory that for too many boys, without intervention, might lead toward struggle rather than success.
What Good Mentorship Looks Like
Not all mentoring relationships are created equal. What does "good" mentorship look like in practice? At its heart, effective mentorship is a bond of trust, respect, and consistent presence. A good mentor is reliable – he shows up when he says he will, proving through actions that his mentee can count on him. This consistency is crucial. Many boys have experienced adults coming and going (or never being there at all); a mentor's steady presence itself sends a powerful message: "You are important to me, and I'm not giving up on you." With that foundation laid, a mentor can genuinely begin to guide.
Crucially, a quality mentor approaches the role with empathy and genuine care. He listens far more than he lectures. Think of the older man who takes a teen out for a burger after school. As the teen hesitantly brings up worries – failing a class, a breakup, trouble at home – the mentor's first job is to hear him out without judgment. That non-judgmental listening ear can be transformative. It's not that mentors have a magic fix for every problem, but by showing understanding, they validate a young man's feelings and make him feel seen and understood. In turn, this opens the door for deeper conversations. Over time, the mentee learns that with his mentor, he has a safe space to share anything – fears, ambitions, confusion – knowing he won't be ridiculed or dismissed. This psychological safety is the bedrock upon which guidance can be built.
From this base of trust, a mentor gently guides by example and advice, rather than by strict authority. A key principle is that a mentor is not a substitute parent and should avoid coming off as just another disciplinarian. For instance, if a teenage boy starts skipping classes, a parent might punish him; a mentor, however, might take a different approach. He could share a story about how he once made a mistake in school and what he learned from it. He might ask the boy, "What do you think is going on when you skip class?" – inviting reflection rather than doling out instant criticism. The best mentors employ a coaching approach: they ask questions, offer perspectives, and sometimes provide tough feedback, but always from a place of wanting the mentee to grow, rather than from anger or ego. This style often resonates more effectively with young people. Teenagers, who are busy craving independence, respond well to mentors who treat them with respect and autonomy, rather than talking down to them.
Integrity and leading by example are other hallmarks of good mentorship. Young people are astute observers; they will notice if a mentor "walks the talk." A mentor who preaches honesty and responsibility must also embody these values in their interactions. That might mean admitting when he was wrong or apologizing if he forgets an appointment. By modelling humility, accountability, and kindness in everyday actions, the mentor provides a live demonstration of positive masculinity. An oft-cited principle in mentoring is that values are "caught, not just taught." For example, instead of only telling a boy about generosity, a mentor might involve him in a volunteer project on the weekend. Imagine a mentor bringing his 14-year-old mentee along to help at a community food bank. The boy learns empathy and the value of service through action, observing how his mentor treats everyone there with respect and enthusiasm. Later, over hot chocolate, they chat about what it felt like to help others. Through such shared experiences, life lessons are conveyed organically. The mentee absorbs ideals such as compassion, patience, or a work ethic by observing them in their mentor. In this way, the mentor's very life is a teaching tool – his behaviour provides a template for the young man on how to handle situations big and small, from greeting a stranger to persevering when work gets tough.
Another quality of strong mentorship is the combination of consistency and flexibility. The mentor consistently shows up, but the activities and conversations can flex to the mentee's needs. One month, the teenager might be excited about practicing guitar, so the mentor cheers him on or even finds a local musician's jam night to attend together. Next month, that same teen might be dealing with heartbreak or anger issues; suddenly, the conversations turn heavier and more emotional. A good mentor can go with that flow – tossing a football around at the park one week, having a serious heart-to-heart the next. This fluidity enables the relationship to encompass the entire spectrum of life. It sends the message that masculinity itself can be fluid in expression: there's a time to laugh and be strong, and also a time to cry or ask for help. The mentor thus teaches emotional intelligence by example – showing that real men can be both strong and vulnerable. Canadian men's organizations that promote positive masculinity emphasize the importance of embracing vulnerability and honest connection as key to men's well-being. A mentor who can say, "I've struggled too, and it's okay," powerfully counters the harmful notion that men must always "have it all together."
Finally, effective mentorship is a two-way street. It is built on mutual respect and trust that deepen over time. As months or years pass, the mentee often starts opening up about deeper hopes and anxieties – whether it's his anxiety about the future, confusion about relationships, or secrets he's never told anyone. A skilled mentor meets these revelations with careful guidance and confidentiality. He might share how he navigated similar crossroads or admit the mistakes he made and what he learned. By doing so, the mentor normalizes the act of stumbling and learning. The mentee sees that even his admired adult mentor had moments of failure or doubt, and that those moments are survivable and teachable. This realization is incredibly freeing: the young man learns that it's okay to stumble, as long as you keep learning and moving forward. In essence, the mentor's past becomes a library of lessons for the mentee's present and future. And importantly, as the mentee grows, he may also start to teach the mentor a few things – whether it's a new slang word or a fresh perspective on life. The best mentors stay open to learning from their mentees, which further validates the young person and strengthens the bond.
Picture a mentor-mentee pair that has built such a rapport: a 16-year-old and his mentor, tinkering with a broken motorcycle engine in the garage. The boy curses in frustration as they struggle to fix it, then immediately looks apologetic. The mentor chuckles and says, "I've said worse. Let's take a breather." They sit on the porch steps, greasy hands cradling cups of lemonade, and the boy confides his worries about an upcoming exam or a conflict with his mother. The mentor listens, then recounts a similar rough patch with his own family back when he was 16. They laugh. They go back to the engine with clearer heads. In these simple moments, good mentorship happens. It looks like patience, sounds like a respectful conversation, and feels like trust. Over time, those moments string together into a relationship that quietly shapes the young man's character. He learns what it means to be a good man not from a rulebook, but from watching one in action.
Benefits for the Mentee and the Mentor
A mentoring relationship might start with the focus on helping the youth, but it soon becomes clear that both parties are growing and benefiting in profound ways. Let's start with the mentee – the young man on the cusp of adulthood. The benefits for the mentee can be life-altering. First and foremost, having a mentor boosts a young man's confidence and self-worth. When an older male whom he respects takes an interest in his life, the implicit message is, "You have value. I believe in you." Many boys, especially those who have lacked father figures or come from difficult circumstances, deeply crave that validation. A mentor's consistent encouragement acts like sunlight on a plant – helping the young person bloom. Over time, mentees internalize the mentor's faith in them. They start to push themselves a bit more – whether that means trying harder in school, pursuing a talent in music or tech, or simply making better choices day to day – because someone they look up to has expressed genuine belief in their potential.
Practical skills and life knowledge are another huge benefit passed from mentor to mentee. Think of all the little (and not-so-little) things one needs to learn to become a functional adult: how to tie a tie, manage money, fix a flat tire, apply for a job, resolve an argument peacefully, cook a basic meal, or even treat a romantic partner with respect. While parents and schools teach many things, there are often gaps – especially for boys who might not have a man in the household to model specific skills or behaviours. A mentor usually steps into this role almost unconsciously. For instance, during an afternoon together, a mentor might teach his mentee how to change the oil in a car or how to throw a proper football spiral. In another moment, the lesson might be more subtle – the mentee observes how his mentor speaks kindly to a frazzled store cashier, modelling respect and patience. These "soft lessons" accumulate. Over time, the mentee is effectively apprenticing in the art of adulthood. Research shows that mentored youth tend to have better outcomes in school and beyond, partly because they gain these practical life skills and positive habits from their mentors (Erickson et al, 2009). One academic study even found that informal mentors (like a neighbour or teacher, not in a formal program) could significantly increase a teen's likelihood of pursuing higher education by providing advice and inspiration that complemented what parents or counsellors offer (Erickson et al., 2009; The Chronicle of Evidence-Based Mentoring, 2013). The mentee, by soaking up the mentor's experiences, gets a kind of "cheat sheet" for life – insights that might otherwise only come through painful trial and error.
Another invaluable benefit for mentees is seeing a blueprint of positive masculinity in action. In an age where the term "toxic masculinity" gets a lot of attention – referring to harmful norms like suppressing emotions, using aggression to solve problems, or devaluing women – a mentor can offer an antidote by embodying healthy masculinity. The mentee watches how his mentor handles various situations. Perhaps the mentor encounters a setback, such as losing a job or coping with a family illness. How does he respond? If the mentor shows resilience – acknowledging his emotions, seeking support, and then proactively coping – the boy witnesses that strength is compatible with openness. If the mentor treats people around him with kindness and respect, the boy learns that a "real man" can be gentle and caring. In short, the mentor provides a living example of manhood that is strong and empathetic, confident and humble. These lessons are especially critical for boys inundated with media stereotypes of men as either aloof tough-guys or buffoonish dads. A mentor closes the gap between myth and reality by demonstrating a masculinity grounded in integrity, responsibility, and compassion – precisely the values that many Canadian Men's organizations champion - envisioning men awakening to a balanced masculinity that radiates acceptance, compassion, and unshakable inner strength, and mentors often light the way to that balance.
While the advantages for mentees are clear, we must not overlook the often unexpected benefits for the mentors themselves. Many men who step into a mentorship role discover that it is one of the most rewarding experiences of their adult lives. In the words of psychologist Erik Erikson, mature adulthood is marked by a stage of "generativity" – a drive to nurture and guide the next generation (Erikson, 1963). Essentially, past mid-life, adults feel a deep-seated urge to give back, to ensure their knowledge and values live on. Mentoring is a prime example of generativity in action. By investing in a young person's growth, older men find a renewed sense of purpose. It validates their life journey: all those lessons learned (often the hard way) can now serve a constructive purpose beyond themselves. This fulfillment can be profoundly healing and energizing. Instead of feeling stagnant or irrelevant as they age, mentors feel useful and connected. They see tangible proof that they are making a difference in someone's life – there is no greater satisfaction than that. As one mentor put it, "When I see my mentee succeeding, it's like watching my kid succeed. It lights me up inside." Research supports this, showing that older adults engaged in mentoring or volunteering experience improved well-being, better life satisfaction, and even physical health benefits (Springate et al., 2008; Wheeler et al., 1998). Studies have found that older mentors often report reduced feelings of isolation and a renewed sense of worth and meaning in life (Rhodes, n.d.). Rather than the relationship being a one-way street of the elder giving and the youth receiving, mentors often say they get just as much in return – sometimes in surprising ways.
For one, being a mentor frequently prompts self-reflection and personal growth in the mentor. Guiding a young person can hold up a mirror to your values and behaviours. Mentors might find themselves striving to "practice what they preach" more diligently. If a mentor advises a teen on constructive anger management, it prompts the mentor to examine their temper with family or colleagues. Many mentors describe this phenomenon: the desire to be a better man because they know a younger person is looking up to them. Moreover, mentees often bring fresh perspectives and skills that enrich the mentor's life. A middle-aged mentor might learn about new music, technology, or aspects of youth culture – suddenly, he's seeing the world through younger eyes, which can be refreshing and invigorating. The relationship can also tap into the mentor's playfulness and curiosity, qualities that adult life sometimes suppresses. Mentor (n.d.), in a study on cross-generational mentorship and men's mental health, noted that mentors often experience personal growth in empathy and patience, and a rekindling of joy by forming a meaningful bond with a youth. They become more connected to their community and more attuned to the struggles young people face today, which can broaden their mindset (Mentor, n.d.).
There are deeply emotional benefits as well. Many men, especially as they enter middle age or retirement, struggle with questions of legacy and relevance. "Did my life matter?" is a haunting question that mentorship helps answer with a resounding yes. By contributing to someone else's life, mentors feel their own life gains significance. They are planting seeds for a future they might not see, which brings a sense of peace and pride. This dynamic echoes a famous Greek proverb: "Society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they know they shall never sit in." In mentoring, the "tree" is the young person, growing strong and healthy, extending the mentor's impact into the future. It's no exaggeration to say that many mentors describe the relationship as life-changing for them as well. Some report that mentoring helped pull them out of depression or grief by refocusing their energy on someone else's growth (Cooke-Dallin et al, 2000). Others find that being looked up to by a mentee pushes them to stay active and "young at heart." For example, a retired accountant who mentors a teenager might end up shooting hoops at the local playground or figuring out how to use Instagram to understand his mentee's world – activities that keep him physically and mentally engaged. There's also the simple joy and friendship that often blossoms. The age gap may be there, but as the pair bond over shared interests – whether it's baseball, cooking, or comic books – genuine affection and camaraderie develop.
In essence, mentorship helps both parties grow: the boy grows into a man, and the man grows into a wiser, more compassionate elder. It creates a virtuous cycle of learning and support. The mentee gains confidence, skills, and a healthy model of manhood. The mentor gains purpose, emotional satisfaction, and often a new outlook on life. Both expand their emotional capacity – the mentee learns to trust and aspire, the mentor learns to nurture and empathize on a deeper level. They form a bridge across generations, each walking to the Middle from their side, meeting in a relationship that affirms the humanity of both. No wonder that communities with strong mentoring cultures often see positive ripple effects: safer neighbourhoods, more engaged schools, and happier families (Erdem and Kaufman, 2020). When we invest in each other like this, everyone wins.
Mentorship in Practice: How to Get Involved
By now, we've established that mentorship is powerful and beneficial. The next question is how to put it into practice. If you are an adult man inspired to make a difference, how can you step up as a mentor? And if you are a young man seeking guidance, how might you find a mentor? The good news is that opportunities abound – both in formal programs and informal everyday life.
One route is through formal mentorship programs and organizations. These are structured avenues that match volunteers with youth in need of guidance. The classic example is Big Brothers Big Sisters, which has chapters across Canada, the U.S., and many other countries. In these programs, you can apply to be a "Big Brother," get screened and trained, and then be matched with a "Little Brother" based on interests, personality, and logistics. The program provides support and activities, and you commit to meeting your Little regularly (often a few times a month). The impact is tremendous – as we discussed, evaluations of Big Brothers Big Sisters have shown significant improvements in mentees' academic performance, self-esteem, and avoidance of risky behaviour (Tierney et al, 2000, The Chronicle of Evidence-Based Mentoring, 2013). By volunteering a few hours of your time each month, you could change the trajectory of a young person's life (Tierney et al, 2000).
There are many other formal avenues, too: community or school-based mentorship programs (sometimes run through local non-profits or faith organizations), where you might mentor a student one afternoon a week at a school or community center. If you love sports, consider youth sports coaching – coaching a Little League baseball team or a youth soccer league is essentially a mentorship role writ large. You're not just teaching the rules of the game; you're modelling teamwork, perseverance, and good sportsmanship for your players. Research shows that coaches often become some of the most influential mentors in children's lives, especially for boys who may not have other male role models around (Rhodes, n.d.; Christensen et al., 2019). You could also explore mentoring through organizations focused on specific areas: for example, programs for at-risk youth, mentorship in foster care systems, or career-oriented mentorship for teenagers interested in particular fields. Many high schools and universities now have mentorship programs that pair students with community volunteers for tutoring or career advice – those also count as mentorship. The key is to find a cause or group that resonates with you and volunteer. The commitment can range from a one-hour weekly meeting to a monthly outing, depending on the program. Formal programs provide training and a built-in support network (e.g., case workers or group activities), which can be very helpful if you're new to mentoring.
However, mentorship is not confined to formal programs. Informal mentorship opportunities are everywhere in daily life – if we choose to embrace them. Perhaps you have a nephew or a younger cousin who doesn't have an active father in their life; you can make a point to spend extra time with them, ask about their day, take them fishing or to a sports game, and be that steady, supportive presence. Maybe there's a teenager in your neighbourhood who mows lawns for extra cash – you could strike up conversations, praise his work ethic, and over time become someone he feels comfortable seeking advice from. If you're in the workplace, consider the new intern or a junior employee who might benefit from guidance – even if they're technically an adult, mentorship in the transition to working life is invaluable. Invite that younger colleague out for coffee and share how you navigated early career decisions. Or consider volunteering at a local high school or youth club to give a talk or workshop in your area of expertise – you might spark a mentoring relationship with a student who connects with you. The point is, keep an eye out for any younger person in your orbit who could use support. Often, they won't explicitly ask for a mentor (they may not even know they need one), but you can offer small acts of mentorship that build up. Something as simple as regularly asking a teen, "How's it going?" and listening to their answer can set the stage. Mentorship can be as informal as regular check-ins. For example, you notice the kid next door loves computers; as an IT professional, you start chatting with him about his coding projects, eventually maybe invite him to visit your office or help him with a college application to a computer science program. These organic mentorships can be just as impactful as formal ones – sometimes more, because they often last longer and feel more natural.
If you're a young man seeking a mentor, know that seeking guidance is a sign of wisdom, not weakness. Although it might not feel very safe, many potential mentors would be honoured to be asked. Start by identifying people you admire or trust. Is there a teacher or coach at school who always seemed to understand you a bit better than others? A relative or family friend whose life or career you find inspiring? Perhaps someone you worked for in a part-time job who took an interest in you? Don't be afraid to reach out to them. It can be as simple as saying, "I appreciate your advice – would you mind if I kept in touch about school decisions?" or "Could we grab coffee sometime? I'd love to hear how you got into this line of work." Most people are genuinely flattered by such requests. Remember that mentors often gain as much joy from the relationship as mentees do, so you may be doing them a favour by initiating a connection! Schools, colleges, or community centers can also sometimes hook you up with mentorship opportunities – for instance, guidance counsellors might know of alumni or local professionals who volunteer to mentor students interested in their field. There are even online platforms now (like mentorship apps or LinkedIn's career advice feature) that can connect young people with mentors virtually. While online mentors are a newer concept, they can still be helpful, especially if you're looking for specific career or academic guidance. The important thing is to take the initiative. One proverb says, "When the student is ready, the teacher appears." In real life, sometimes the student has to do a bit of looking – but teachers (mentors) are out there, often closer than you think.
For those men ready to become mentors, consider this a call to action to step up when you see a need. Do you notice a boy in the neighbourhood who often looks lonely or gets into mischief? Instead of just shaking your head, introduce yourself; find common ground. Consider inviting him to join you when you're playing catch with your son, or make it a habit to chat whenever you see him around. If you know a single mother who's raising a son primarily on her own, offer to help – you could take her boy along on an outing with your family, or teach him a skill if he's interested (bike repair, camping, anything you know well). The gesture doesn't have to be grand; consistency is more important. It could start with regular small interactions – a thumbs-up and "How was school?" each day – and build into a mentorship bond. Likewise, if you encounter a younger guy at your gym or community center who seems eager to learn, consider befriending him. For example, an older weightlifter might mentor a skinny teen on proper workout technique, which could expand into life advice about discipline and nutrition. Informal mentors are often hidden in plain sight: the barber who gives a troubled teen extra pep talks at each haircut, or the boss who goes beyond work topics to instill life lessons in his young employees. Embrace those opportunities. As a mentor, you don't need to have all the answers – you need to care and be willing to share what you've learned from life. There will be moments you're not sure what to do or say (especially if a mentee faces serious issues like mental health struggles or family crises). Don't be afraid to seek guidance yourself – many communities have resources or even training for mentors on how to handle challenging situations, or you can lean on the coordinators of formal programs for advice. What matters most to the young person is that you are there and genuine.
To illustrate mentorship in practice, let's revisit Jason and Coach Thompson from our introduction. Coach Thompson might have started simply by giving Jason rides home after practice when he noticed no one was picking him up. During those drives, they'd chat about little things – music, how practice went, Jason's favourite subject in school. Coach was seeding trust. When Jason's grades dropped, Coach gently offered to come by one evening a week to help him study or shoot hoops if he needed a break. He also introduced Jason to another man in the community – a mechanic friend – when Jason showed interest in cars, thereby widening the circle of support. Over time, Jason realized he had an ally and started confiding in him about deeper worries, like feeling angry at his absent dad. Coach mostly listened, occasionally saying, "I hear you – that's tough", validating Jason's feelings. When appropriate, Coach shared how he coped with his own father's death when he was a teen – not to make it about himself, but to show Jason he wasn't alone and that pain can be overcome.
Meanwhile, Coach found himself invigorated by this role. He looked forward to their chats and felt proud seeing Jason improve on the field, in class, and in terms of self-confidence. In practice, mentorship often looks just like this: a series of small, caring actions that, added up, guide a boy toward a brighter path.
Fostering a Culture of Mentorship
As powerful as one-on-one mentorship is, an even broader goal beckons: reviving a culture where mentoring is woven into the fabric of community life. In earlier times, especially in many Indigenous and traditional societies, mentorship of the young by elders was not a special program or an extracurricular activity – it was a way of life. Young people learned at the knee of grandparents, uncles, tribal elders, masters of crafts, or community leaders through apprenticeships and storytelling. There were often formal rites of passage – ceremonies or challenges that a boy would undergo to be recognized as a man – and these were typically guided by older men who weren't the boy's father but rather respected members of the community. In these settings, generational bonds were strong; knowledge, values, and spiritual teachings were handed down organically. For example, many Indigenous communities in Canada have long practiced intergenerational mentorship through sharing circles and cultural teachings. Elders and youth come together to exchange stories – the elders impart wisdom and cultural identity, while the youth bring fresh perspective and energy. This dialogue benefits both, strengthening community cohesion (Cooke-Dallin et al, 2000). The whole village truly collaborated in raising each child, ensuring they grew up with a sense of belonging, identity, and guidance.
Modern Society, with all its mobility and digital connectivity, has in some ways loosened these intergenerational ties. Families often live far apart, neighbourhoods are more fragmented, and young people might feel more connected to the internet than to their community. We have, in many places, lost the natural framework for mentorship that once existed. However, the good news is that we can consciously rebuild it. We can foster a culture where men mentoring men (and boys) is normalized and encouraged – where it's just what we do. This starts with awareness and value shifts. We need to recognize that mentoring is not an optional nicety; it is essential for a healthy society. When we spotlight stories of successful mentorship (like in this article, or through community events, media, and workplaces), we send the message that being a mentor is a badge of honour. Communities can create platforms for this – for instance, a city might hold an annual "Mentor Appreciation Day" highlighting local mentors, or a school might implement a buddy system pairing older and younger students. Faith communities can encourage older members to mentor younger members in volunteering or faith education contexts. Even workplaces can institute mentorship programs that include not just career guidance but also personal development check-ins.
Another strategy is to create more multi-generational spaces and groups. In our Society, we often silo by age – youth hang out with youth, seniors with seniors. But mixing the ages can spark natural mentorship. Consider starting or joining men's groups that explicitly invite a range of ages. For example, a community center might host a monthly men's circle where topics such as life, purpose, and challenges are discussed, ensuring that both young men (ages 18-25) and older men (40 and above) are present. Such dialogues allow the younger ones to learn from the veterans, and the older men to hear the realities of the younger generation – fostering empathy both ways. Similarly, hobbies can bridge generations: a community gardening club, a martial arts class, a hiking group – if consciously inclusive of the young, these become fertile grounds for informal mentoring. The older hiker giving the teenage boy tips on reading a compass might end up talking about life goals by the end of the trail. Deliberate inclusion is key; if you're an older guy in a group, make the younger newcomer feel welcome and valued (remember how intimidating it can be for a 20-year-old to join a bunch of 50-year-olds or vice versa). By simply inviting them into conversation, you are taking a crucial step in mentorship.
Schools and youth organizations can also facilitate intergenerational connections beyond just formal pairings. For example, high schools could invite community elders or professionals for regular chat sessions (think "career day" but more personal and ongoing). Libraries or community centers might host "story exchange" nights where elders share stories from their youth and teens share their experiences – fostering mutual understanding and seeding mentorship connections (some Indigenous programs use this model to significant effect, bridging elders and youth (Viscogliosi et al, 2020). Another promising idea is to resurrect or reinvent rites of passage for young men, guided by a council of men. Imagine a program where a group of 17-year-old boys go through a weekend wilderness challenge or community service project, each paired with a mentor, culminating in a ceremony honouring their transition to adulthood. It could incorporate local traditions or personal reflections. This kind of experience, which was once common in many cultures, powerfully bonds generations and gives young men a sense of accomplishment and recognition from the male community. Organizations like the ManKind Project or specific Indigenous initiatives are already doing versions of this – blending ancient wisdom with modern approaches to help young men find their footing with elder guides by their side.
Fostering a culture of mentorship also means addressing barriers that keep men from engaging. One barrier is the misconceived notion that mentoring is only for highly qualified or flawless individuals. Men might think, "Why would a kid listen to me? I'm no saint or hero." This needs reframing. As we've shown, you don't need to be perfect to mentor – sometimes your imperfections and how you've dealt with them are the greatest lessons you can share. Communities should broadcast that every man has something to offer the younger generation – be it a skill, a hobby, or simply a listening ear. Another barrier is time; modern life is busy, and mentorship can feel like another demand. However, once men understand that mentoring can be woven into activities they already enjoy (such as sports, cooking, or working on projects) and doesn't require endless hours, they may realize it's a feasible option. Workplaces could support this by offering flex time for employees to mentor (some companies now allow a few hours of paid time each month for volunteering). Governments and institutions can promote mentorship as a form of community service on par with volunteering at a shelter or donating blood. The preventive power of mentoring should be recognized in public policy. An outcome review paper noted that engaging men as mentors can reduce youth violence and substance abuse by providing positive outlets and support (Erdem and Kaufman, 2020). Investing in mentorship now can save societal costs later by steering youth away from trouble.
Ultimately, consider mentorship as a counterbalance to the toxic influences in young men's lives. In a world of ubiquitous social media and online forums, boys can be exposed to harmful communities – whether it's cyberbullying, extremist ideologies, or so-called "men's rights" forums that promote anger and misogyny. When a boy has a real mentor to discuss life's issues with, he is less susceptible to falling into those dark holes. A mentor can debunk harmful ideas and model respectful attitudes, inoculating the young man against the allure of negative peer pressure or internet rabbit holes. Data from mentoring surveys indicate that mentored youth have better mental health and are less likely to report feelings of isolation (Big Brothers Big Sisters Canada, 2023). In one Canadian survey, 42% of mentored youth said their mentor helped them feel less isolated, and 70% felt less worried or anxious with regular mentor contact (Big Brothers Big Sisters Canada, 2023; Craig et al, 2021). These are significant protective effects in an era of youth mental health crises. Imagine scaling that up: a community where nearly every boy has someone to turn to. The overall atmosphere shifts – you'd likely see fewer young men lashing out in violence or despair because they have been given healthy channels for their emotions and questions.
In rebuilding a mentorship culture, we essentially revive the village. We return to the principle that every child is our child. We encourage men not just to look out for their sons or nephews, but for the kid down the block, the student in their class, the player on their team, the junior colleague at work. We create a norm where asking for guidance is seen as wise, and giving advice is seen as a natural duty and privilege of growing older. This cultural shift does not happen overnight, but it starts with each of us. As older men, we can each strive to be the kind of elder we wished we had (or were lucky enough to have) when we were young. As younger men, we can seek out and respect the elders who extend a hand to us. Bit by bit, the fabric reweaves.
Conclusion
In the journey from boyhood to manhood, no one should have to walk alone. Positive mentorship is the guiding hand on a young man's shoulder, steadying him as he navigates the twists and turns of growing up. It is also the warm light that gives an older man's life continued meaning. The power of mentorship lies in this beautiful reciprocity: it lifts the next generation while ennobling those who came before. If you are an older man reading this, consider the legacy you can create by reaching out to even one young person. You don't need to be perfect; you need to care and be willing to share your time and story. Your impact may ripple out in ways you cannot imagine – that teenager you mentor today might become a compassionate leader tomorrow, all because you believed in him. If you are a younger man, know that seeking a mentor is one of the smartest moves you can make. It shows maturity and humility to learn from others. Far from being a weakness, asking for guidance is a form of courage and wisdom. Many mentors will be honoured to support you – often, they are just waiting to be asked.
As we've seen, mentorship is a win-win relationship that can change the lives of both mentor and mentee. It forges bonds that often last a lifetime, evolving into lifelong friendship or even a familial bond of choice. In some cases, former mentees become mentors themselves in adulthood, continuing the cycle – the torch of guidance passed hand to hand, year to year. This is how we build a better world: one relationship at a time, one young life redirected toward promise, one older life infused with purpose. Imagine the compounding effect if each man who reads this decides to mentor one boy or younger man in the coming year. The ripple effects – in families, communities, and Society – would be profound. Fewer young men would fall through the cracks; more would grow into kind, capable, resilient men. More elders would feel valued and connected, living out their years with fulfillment rather than loneliness. This is how we move toward a vision of modern positive masculinity – one that integrates physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being, where men support one another across generations to be their best selves.
In closing, let us return to that illuminating proverb: "Society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they know they shall never sit in." Mentorship is planting a seed for a future we may not fully see, but we nurture it anyway, trusting that it will grow tall and strong. The shade of that tree will comfort someone years down the line – maybe the mentee's future family, perhaps an entire community benefited by the good works of a man who himself was guided to the right path. By mentoring, we invest in a future beyond ourselves. We may not sit in the shade of that tree, but we can take joy in knowing we helped it grow. Each of us can likely recall someone who had a positive impact on our journey – a teacher, coach, relative, boss, or friend who offered a timely word or a steady presence. Why not honour them by paying it forward? If you were lucky enough to have a mentor, become one for someone else. If you never had that mentor, be the person you needed when you were younger. It is never too late to extend your hand to the generation coming up. In doing so, you not only lift them – you also elevate yourself, and indeed, you uplift us all. From boys to men, mentorship is the guiding force, transforming uncertainty into confidence and uniting individuals into a caring brotherhood. Let's all be part of that journey and help raise the next generation of good men, together.
References
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© Citation:
Pitcher, E. Mark. (2025, September 14). From Boys to Men: The Power of Mentorship in Developing Healthy Masculinity. Beyond Brotherhood. https://www.beyondbrotherhood.ca/post/from-boys-to-men-the-power-of-mentorship-in-developing-healthy-masculinity
About the Author
Mark Pitcher lives off-grid in a secluded corner of the Canadian Rockies for half the year, drawing inspiration from the land's raw, primal beauty. It's from this deep communion with nature that his vision for Beyond Brotherhood was born. Mark is the visionary founder of Beyond Brotherhood – a wilderness sanctuary where men reconnect with their authentic power and heal from within.
He is involved with men's groups across Canada and beyond, including Wyldmen (wyldmen.com), MDI - Mentor Discover Inspire (mentordiscoverinspire.org), Connect'd Men (connectdmen.com), Illumen of BC (illumanofbc.ca), Man Aligned (manaligned.ca), Sacred Sons (sacredsons.com), UNcivilized Nation (manuncivilized.com/thenation), and Strenuous Life (strenuouslife.co). Through all these efforts, he remains devoted to mentoring males of all ages in holistic well-being—physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual—guiding each to find and live their purpose.
Grounded in compassion, Mark is a strong advocate for male mental health and suicide prevention. Knowing that men comprise 75% of all suicide deaths in Canada, he works tirelessly to break the silence and stigma that keep so many men suffering alone. Mark's approach to healing and growth bridges the gap between the ancient and the modern. He draws on Viktor Frankl's logotherapy, which focuses on finding meaning even in adversity. He complements this with Shinrin-Yoku (forest bathing) to immerse men in nature's calming presence, the invigorating shock of cold-water therapy to build resilience, and the ancient art of Qigong to cultivate inner balance and life energy. Now semi-retired, he continues to deepen his knowledge as a part-time student in the Spiritual Care Program at St. Stephen's College (University of Alberta), believing that a true guide never stops learning.
Mark is a leader and guide in every encounter, with a warm authenticity and magnetic presence. Whether penning a blog post or leading a circle of men around a crackling campfire, he leads with gentle strength, empathy, and unshakable passion. Mark invites you to join him on this journey of brotherhood and self-discovery. Follow the blog or connect with the community – every step is an invitation to reclaim your authentic power. With a future book on the horizon, he promises there is even more to explore. This journey is just beginning, and Mark looks forward to walking it together with you, always toward more profound connection and discovery.
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